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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Everyone is always talking about raising money for dogs without homes, but what about the ones who don’t have cars?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

The days will soon be shorter again. Then it won’t rain for so long.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

If you watch Home Alone backwards it’s a loving story about a kid that heals two men that were savagely beaten.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,523

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

There’s endless songs out there about love and pain and life, but basically only one about the wheels on the bus. Just goes to show you they nailed it the first try.

Shared recently on X:

Deeply unfair of people to assume I have my life together just because I’m boring.

Just landed via Twitch:

Every day, I’m gaslit into oblivion by beautiful women, and then I go to sleep.

Just landed via Messenger:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

Seen just now on Messenger:

This simulation is no longer boring, since they replaced management.

Spotted on WeChat:

Eat whatever you want. If someone calls you fat, eat them too.

Breaking via Reddit:

Remember when tweets were like: party rocking with a mouse tonight. Piece of cheese gonna have a big bite.

Spotted on X:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

Just shared via Slack:

Vaginally speaking, he seems nice.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

3 weeks ago

Clever and funny quote about privacy and honesty in casual conversations.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Careful what you ask for! My life story requires a spoiler alert and legal protection! 😅🔍📝"

ask, confidentiality, humor, interaction, joke, me, NDA, privacy, sarcasm, sign, social, social interaction

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57 shares on Twitch this month:

If we date and break up, you gotta unlearn all my lingo and cool shit that I taught you. You gotta go back to being lame.

30 shares on Discord this month:

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m going to bed, everyone. Try to keep it down.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he’s one of the cats.

89 shares on Reddit this month:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

They should invent a food that sounds good for dinner tonight.

79 shares on Messenger this month:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

96 shares on Reddit this month:

“The engine light is on!” Yeah, that means it’s working.

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

22 shares on Twitch this month:

My OnlyFans is just me loading the dishwasher correctly.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has viewed:

Rap fell off when literacy stopped being a requirement.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

I love single sign-on because you only have to sign on once, 8 times a day.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Your honor, my client would like to play on his phone for a little bit

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

When I say I love the ocean, I mean I love the surface. Whatever goes on beneath has my respect, but it’s none of my business.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I don’t think I’m allowed to be in public for over an hour.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Freshly posted on Threads:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Live now on YouTube:

It is a shame that nothing is built in America anymore. I just bought a TV that said: “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Currently helping my husband look for his $20 I spent yesterday.

Just shared via X:

I can literally trace the moment my career died back to when my boss said he was in back-to-back meetings, and I said, “Isn’t face-to-face better?”

Going viral on Instagram:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Going viral on Facebook:

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

Trending via WeChat:

I have no idea how dishwasher tablets work. I’ve already taken five of them, and I still don’t feel like doing the dishes!

Freshly posted on Twitch:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, there are only 4 days until Christmas.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Don’t ask me ‘how are you?’ unless you’re willing to sign an NDA.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The evening news: Where they begin with “Good evening” and then proceed to tell you why it’s not.

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Headache pro-tip: Bang your toe into something.

I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨