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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has copied:

I often choose gift bags instead of wrapping, not just out of laziness, but also because I have the fine motor skills of a drunken panda.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Looking over both shoulders before googling “Chinese burger.”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has downloaded:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,737

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

The IRS needs special envelopes for when you’re not in trouble.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My Mom say that everyone has a beautiful side, so I guess I’m a circle.

Going viral on Telegram:

You can be anything when you grow up. For instance, I am very tired.

Shared recently on WeChat:

He died doing what he loved: trying to find out if gang members are ticklish.

Spotted on Messenger:

“Bye, have a great day, I’ll see you after school”, I tell the orange in my kid’s lunch.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Mood to play music louder than my thoughts.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Parallel parking: where true relationships are tested!

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Me to cat: quit looking at me like I’m an ingredient.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

You want me to attend a work meeting? The thing that killed Julius Caesar?

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Don’t rub your happiness in people’s faces this Valentine’s Day. Let the couples enjoy themselves for once.

3 weeks ago

Funny quote about being considerate this Valentine's Day, urging couples to enjoy themselves quietly.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Remember, on Valentine's Day, it's important to sprinkle your happiness, not rub it in like a glitter bomb 💖 Let the couples have their moment, because let's be honest, we all know they'll go back to arguing over who left the toilet seat up tomorrow anyway! 🚽😆 #SpreadLoveNotToiletSeatIssues"

celebration, couples, day, enjoy, happiness, humor, irony, let, love, once, relationships, single, valentine’s, Valentine’s Day

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Social Media Stars ⭐

16 shares on Discord this month:

Caffeine is not enough anymore, I need to chew on a power line.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tiime isn’t on my side, it’s on my face, wrinkling my forehead.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

95 shares on Reddit this month:

You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

53 shares on YouTube this month:

“What’s something you’d tell your younger self?” You can have ice cream for dinner, nobody will stop you.

74 shares on X this month:

I’ve reached the age where I just bought a bird bath for my backyard.

38 shares on Slack this month:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Every Stranger Things scene is just a guy in a wig being like, ‘We have to stop them.’

33 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Cops wake up Christmas morning excited as hell to ignore their family and go sit on the highway with a radar gun for 10 hours.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I just shaved my legs and man, the next 7 minutes and 34 seconds before it starts growing back is gonna feel amazing.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

10 folks are currently checking 👀

After weeks of using an anti aging cream, I can now proudly say: I now have very well-maintained wrinkles.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If I were lost and all I had was a compass, I would still be lost.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

If biscuits were slimming and contained every nutrient the human body needs, I’d be in terrific shape.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s a disgusting pervert at the bar watching pornography over my shoulder.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Good news: I only ate one slice of pizza. Bad news: I did that four times in a row.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,745

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Oh, you like NYC? Name every rat.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

In terms of wasting time, today was very productive.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

I see posts like, “If food is too expensive, just grow your own.” Okay, Einstein, why didn’t I think of that?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

My savings account has been empty for so long that a Spirit Halloween just opened up inside it.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

I don’t hide from my problems, I just ignore them until they lose interest.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Dentists get rich by staring into your mouth for 30 seconds, playing sinking ships with their assistant, and then telling you to brush better.

Just shared via Slack:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Trending via TikTok:

Yesterday I really wanted tacos and now I’m eating tacos. Follow your dreams!

Spotted on Messenger:

I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

At my age, I’m more frightened of a hip break than a heartbreak.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

“Don’t judge a book by its cover” is a beautiful, powerful sentiment that I fully ignore when book shopping.

Breaking via Telegram:

What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

Trending via Instagram:

I can’t flirt, but I’ll awkwardly giggle at everything you say.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If you catch me smiling at you, chances are I am plotting my revenge.

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