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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I just want to be treated like a hot little French fry.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Before you call me an idiot consider this: I know!

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

Biting your tongue while eating is a perfect example of how you can still screw up, even with decades of experience.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Need a permanent vacuum for unwanted thoughts.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

There is a grave concern that this post will produce zero likes.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,696

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Being complimented by a girl in public is like getting kissed by an angel.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Funny thing about zombie movies – they never seem to go after the cameraman.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Just shared via TikTok:

Some things are better left unsaid, which I usually realize after I say them.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to cancel plans.

Just shared via Instagram:

First date idea: you transfer me all your crypto.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Just landed via YouTube:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Going viral on Facebook:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Sometimes you just need that reality check to confirm you're not actually living in a hilarious sitcom 🤣 Remember folks, no one wants to experience a pants-less commute! 🚗👖"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Totally forgot my demands now that I’ve strapped this ticking bomb to my chest.

86 shares on X this month:

They should go crazier with lab-grown meat. Invent some new animals or something. Mammoth burger.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

One of the voices in my head brought up an excellent point, so obviously he had to go.

20 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve been a main character since birth.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

I want to become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

73 shares on Slack this month:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

I received a bank alert text for suspicious activity. I was buying fruit.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Slipping into something a little more comfortable (psychosis).

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re over 40 when you clean your house to the music you used to get drunk to.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

People should be allowed to leave work early if they want to go see a movie.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

You can pronounce it “Nude Jersey” and no one will know.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,553

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

I love when people say, “In college, I wrote a paper on…” as if that holds any academic merit.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Chasing after a ping pong ball is wildly dehumanizing.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Just once I’d like to buy a house plant that didn’t have the lifespan of a soap bubble.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I do not care how bad the relationship is, I am NOT calling a radio station for advice.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I love mirrors because they remind me of how pretty I am.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Some people get weird as they get older. Not me, though. I’ve always been weird.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Staring at your phone is a great way to miss a few years of your life.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Breaking via TikTok:

If you’re going to text your boss that you’re an hour late, make sure you end with, “I’m bringing you a ham and cheese croissant.”

Spotted on X:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I can resist everything except temptation.

Going bananas on Twitch:

“Can’t wait till I get older” was the dumbest thing I ever said.

Spotted on WeChat:

Asbestos? I’m doing asbestos I can.

Making waves on Twitch:

Reincarnation, in this economy?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Men microdose bicuriousness by asking what you’d do for a million dollars.

Just shared via Messenger:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Just shared via Messenger:

It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

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