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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

My workout goals are simple: I’d just like to be able to get up off the floor without looking like a turtle trying to flip itself back over.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

My favorite kind of gender reveal is the one where the parents find out, and they just tell everyone through text instead of making me go to a party.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Look, the problem with The Life of a Showgirl is that, for maybe the first time in her music career, Taylor Swift has nothing to say.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

Are you http? Because I’m :// without you.

Just landed via Threads:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Making waves on Instagram:

Maturing is when you’d rather drink your bourbon half-naked on the couch than go out.

Making waves on Threads:

I was in Paris with a boyfriend once and he lit a candle in Notre Dame in order to ask God to raise the price of Bitcoin.

Just landed via Discord:

Actually, no one sees you at your worst like your coworkers do.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Why do boys never buy the Pro Max iPhones? I swear it’s only girls with big phones.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Giving every single movie I watch a five star review because it’s just such a joy to be alive.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Terrifying if true: Her eyes lighting up a room.

Spotted on Facebook:

Some days I feel I’m on top of the world, and other days it feels like the world is on top of me.

Making waves on Slack:

Not now, I’m busy doing tax crimes on my abacus.

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

1 month ago

Playful quote about taking a break from dropping it like it's hot, humorous and witty.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I'll be dropping it like it's lukewarm instead! 😂🔥🎶

activity, break, decision, drop, drop it like it’s hot, dropping, due, hot, humor, i, it’s, personal, personal reason, reason, reasons, reference, song, song reference

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Social Media Stars ⭐

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

I like my messages, how I like my nuts – MIXED.

98 shares on Reddit this month:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

67 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

A vibrator is amazing but it doesn’t call me “good girl” unfortunately.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

35 shares on Discord this month:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has viewed:

Every time I ask my husband to bring me something out of my purse, without a doubt, he’ll bring me my whole purse. Why are purses so scary to men, lol.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

My longest relationship has been with my Hotmail account.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now!

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

“Seize the day!” No thank you. I will leave the day alone and hope it extends me the same courtesy.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

What you call “Brunch” I call “Breakfast for Alcoholics.”

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

You cannot go outside for a year or two. Come back, and the same people still be outside in the same places.

Spotted on TikTok:

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

Spotted on Instagram:

When I watch hockey, I pretend they’re fighting over the last Oreo.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Going viral on Facebook:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Just landed via X:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Seen just now on Slack:

The female ability to be able to guess exactly which girl it is out of his 740 following.

Breaking via Instagram:

Turns out, “unc” is short for unconstitutional.

Just shared via Reddit:

“Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

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Activity Log ✨

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Due to personal reasons, I won’t be dropping it like it’s hot anymore.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

One year older today, and still no closer to growing up.

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

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Activity Log ✨