Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

(Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Puberty was a hair-raising experience.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

God’s plan for me is super weird so far.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

The urge to buy people gifts they’ve mentioned they liked once.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Woke up and immediately broke my resolution to be less sexy this year.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Imagine the sound a centipede would make if they wore tiny flip flops.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft.

Trending via WeChat:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Seen just now on Threads:

I always mean what I say, I don’t always mean to say it out loud, but I always mean it.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

They should invent a day where I feel normal.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Going bananas on TikTok:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Don’t come to my house unannounced. I will stare at you from my window.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

The internal struggle between wanting to be productive and just wanting to nap all day.

Freshly posted on Discord:

No one is more hated than those two people who start a standing ovation.

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

4 weeks ago

Playful text about lifelong dreams of retirement, with a humorous twist.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Chasing the dream since the playground days! 🏖️😴 #RetirementGoals

always, aspiration, childhood, ever, goal, humor, i, life, life goal, little, retire, wanted

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Slack this month:

If your wife uses “I” it means she will be doing something. “We” means you will be.

54 shares on Discord this month:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

83 shares on X this month:

I like people who can admit their mistakes and apologize. In other words, I like very few people.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

25 shares on YouTube this month:

Outfit repeater. Meal repeater. Movie rewatcher. I know what I like.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

Dating someone from Twitter is like choosing your spouse from a mental hospital.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

But if i put my laundry away, the laundry chair will be out of a job.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I assume people who bookmark my posts are building a case against me.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

If white men can’t jump, how do you explain Super Mario?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I exaggerated on my job application and said I wanted to work for a living.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Y’all are single because y’all are looking for 90’s love in this sick generation.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

What does my tattoo mean? It means I couldn’t be trusted with $200 when I was 18.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Discord:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

“I’d love to go to the moon” I said “but on a full moon day of course, no point going all that way when only half of it’s there”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ever since I was little, I always knew I wanted to retire.

Keep the laugh going 😂

There’s someone in our team who behaves horribly to me and whenever I have to type his name, I’ve taken to using a slightly smaller font size than for everyone else’s.

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

I really think my coworkers and I deserve an Oscar for acting like everything at work is fine.

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

They should invent a customer service center that isn’t “currently experiencing higher than normal call volume”.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨