Wordgag 🎅

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

If she forgives you, then 30 minutes later comes back mad again: that means she told her friends in her group chat, and the board of directors did not agree.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Retiring my wallet condom after two years of active duty. 87 tours with 0 combat deployments.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

The one thing I think most parents need to realize is, there’s absolutely no secrets that your child doesn’t share about you in the classroom.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Is it fall yet? I really can’t suck my stomach in much longer.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

I wonder what the other me’s are up to in other dimensions.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Let me help you turn that software into hardware.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,879

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Baby, no job is ever that serious for you to be a work snitch.

Just landed via Discord:

Job interviewer: “Where do you see yourself in 5 years’ time?” Me: “My greatest strength is that I’m a good listener.”

Spotted on Reddit:

Cynics are – beneath it all – only idealists with awkwardly high standards.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Just because I can’t sing doesn’t mean I won’t sing.

Breaking via Telegram:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

God: “I don’t regret the Flood, but I do regret the Ark.”

Trending via Slack:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Mount Rushmore would be way more American if all the presidents were eating.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If you’ve never been hit with gay allegations, you’re not fly enough.

Just landed via Discord:

I really want to be nice, but annoying people just won’t let me.

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just hoping to find someone as committed to my well-being as Gmail is to freaking out over every new toaster I connect to Wi-Fi! 🔒😂📧

account, care, device, devices, Gmail, humor, much, new, new device, notification, relationship, security, sign, sign in, someone, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

0

2 months ago

afford, cutbacks, employed, employment, financial, financial struggle, hire, humor, i, irony, job, job market, market, me, money, right, self, self employment, self-employed, struggle, thinking
Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

0

1 month ago

comedy, confidence, Funny, humor, know, much, resilience, self-deprecating, trauma
“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

0

1 month ago

body, day, eat, humor, lay, lay down, laziness, listen, okay, relaxation, self-care, snack, snacks, wants, well
I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

0

2 months ago

advertising, alcohol, company, customers, drunk, drunk person, humor, i, irony, marketing, never, person, seen, shame
Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

0

1 month ago

button, dickhead, door, easier, fall, floor, frustration, humor, life, much, push, thinking, trap, trap door, wishful, wishful thinking
Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

0

1 month ago

adult, adult friendship, commitment, friendship, girl, hangout, humor, jokes, keep, life, procrastination, rescheduling, social, social life, us

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on Telegram this month:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?

43 shares on YouTube this month:

A dating app that matches people by the conspiracy theories they are interested in.

70 shares on Telegram this month:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

83 shares on X this month:

Telling everyone I’m an undecided voter because I need the attention.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

Selfish people are my favorite because you never have to guess their motives.

47 shares on TikTok this month:

Everyone loves a little silent treatment on the weekend.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

76 shares on Twitch this month:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

There is certainly no life on other planets. Otherwise our government would have sent money there long ago.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I was at the cemetery when a little kid walked up to me and said she was afraid. I took her hand and told her that I used to be afraid too… when I was alive.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has viewed:

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

If we’re not supposed to be snacking late at night why is there a light in the fridge?

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has bookmarked:

Being bi means you say both yay and bruh.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I have lots of hidden talents. The problem is, even I can’t find them.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Going viral on Threads:

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Just landed via Threads:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Snaccident: eating a whole bag of Doritos in one sitting.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Just landed via Instagram:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

Shared recently on Slack:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Find someone who cares about you as much as Gmail cares about new devices signing into your account.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨