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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

FaceTiming me is for platinum members only.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

My friend’s kid asked me if I had any games on phone so I let her text my ex.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

I’ve calculated my December budget and realized I can only afford to pray.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Is there a job where I can lay on the floor and listen to music?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,501

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

My cat is so finicky. I finally gave up and taught him how to order Uber Eats for himself.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Traumatized people will navigate emergency situations with calm surety but then have an anxiety attack in a grocery store.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

Trending via Slack:

One of my biggest fears during a zombie apocalypse is having to sleep without a fan.

Going viral on YouTube:

I just want someone who will treat me like a lady and hold the refrigerator door open for me.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Don’t invite me if there’s nowhere to sit down.

Making waves on WeChat:

People with air fryers really love to tell you what they air fry.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I’m ugly but I can make u laugh.

Shared recently on Slack:

People just don’t build cities on rock and roll anymore.

Spotted on Slack:

I mean, sex is all right, but have you ever experienced the sheer sensuality of having rock-solid proof that a problem at work was someone else’s fault, even though it really, really looked like it was yours?

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

2 weeks ago

Playful quote about a hilarious first date rescue involving a tree and window peeking.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🌳👀 How about we skip the small talk and go straight for the adrenaline rush? First date idea: you rescue me from the tree I got stuck in while attempting to be your friendly neighborhood spy! 🕵️‍♂️ Trust me, this unique experience will create a bond like no other! 😉 #RomanceInTheTrees

awkward, awkward situation, date, first date, funny idea, humor, i, idea, looking, me, rescue, situation, stuck, tree, window, Windows

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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Maybe the four horsemen of the apocalypse are Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and TikTok.

29 shares on Slack this month:

My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I woke her up at 3 AM to let her know that I couldn’t sleep.

13 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Everybody is fighting a battle that you don’t know about, because of the first rule of Fight Club.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Commenting “AI slop” under pictures of my friends’ kids opening presents.

96 shares on Pinterest this month:

Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

90 shares on X this month:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I just really hope The Weeknd’s real name isn’t Mnday.

70 shares on Threads this month:

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

22 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dear God, make me a bird so I can fly. Fly far, far away and also so I can poop on people.

50 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

When you have intense chemistry with someone, everyone else feels so bleh.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Never forget that, just a couple of years ago, people were justifying paying $20,000 for a JPEG of an ape.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t buy me flowers. A bouquet of KitKats will suffice.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

They should invent crushes that like you back.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make a movie that’s good the whole way through.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

At the airport, and a wife asked her husband, “Where are our seats?” and he responds, “In the airplane.”

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Wait. We’re now turning plants into burgers? Haven’t cows been doing that like, forever.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,729

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Imagine being hungry and some guy tries to teach you to fish.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

Really wanted to be a therapist until I read some of your guys’ posts and problems, and I want nothing to do with that mess.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

What’s y’all’s favorite burner on your stove? Mine is front left. That’s my boy. That’s my big dawg.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

“I’m giving my daughter a male name, ain’t nobody cracking an Abdul.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

Offering friendship as a consolation prize for a failed romantic connection attempt is absolutely cruel.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

You know you’re getting old when you have to watch shows that are in English with subtitles.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Since there are no other Vulcans on the enterprise and the crew has no comparison, Spock could be and probably is bullshitting them most of the time.

Shared recently on WeChat:

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Vaping: When you feel like smoking but don’t want to look cool.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Live now on Instagram:

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

Making waves on Threads:

Body by sandwich.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

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