Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

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If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.

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Don’t ever forget where you came from. That’s where you left your car.

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For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

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If the first thing you do in the morning is checking your emails, you’re starting your day with other people’s problems.

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I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

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I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

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That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

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Jewelry stores should just be like: Whether you’re trying to be nice or trying to get laid, we got you covered.

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“23 and Me” is how Leonardo DiCaprio RSVPs for events.