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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

You’re never too old to become less of an idiot.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

What’s really missing is a day between Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

“Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by “Wham” encourages you to do something you shouldn’t do.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

I love rap beefs, it’s so romantic when two guys sing songs to each other.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Don’t forget to whine and complain about Monday today.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Leaving my apartment for two weeks, but leaving a single cup in the sink as a gesture to continuity upon my return.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,398

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Arkansas is just Kansas for pirates.

Shared recently on Slack:

I voted for the candidate on the last yard sign I saw before pulling in. Slow children at play will lead us into the future.

Making waves on Twitch:

Where have you been all of my life and can you please go back there?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

Going viral on WeChat:

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and I’m like, cool, can one of you reach the top shelf for me.

Just landed via Twitch:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Broadcasted on Discord:

So many people these days are too judgmental. I can tell just by looking at them.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

They say half the battle of getting in shape is mental, so I thought about the gym really hard today.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I could tell my beard needed a trim when I started seeing some of the pictures my kids were drawing of me.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

On Halloween, I’ll be handing out full size bars of really bad advice. Only while supplies last.

Funny accidental humor quotes

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Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Pinterest recipe so long that it’s now a limited series on Netflix.

11 shares on Snapchat this month:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

43 shares on Twitch this month:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

21 shares on Slack this month:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This Thanksgiving, don’t ask me questions about my life, just pass the mashed potatoes.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

This whole week could have been an email.

100 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

27 shares on Facebook this month:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Yesterday, thieves broke into my home. They searched everywhere and found nothing. They beat me up, telling me to work harder.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Why did they call it K-pop and not Seoul music?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Of all her outfits, my shirt and no underwear will always be my favorite.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Date idea: We watch Breaking Bad and break your bed.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,735

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

In the future, there will be grandmas who can’t bake but have tattoos on their backs.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Twitter is evidence that insane people can be extremely entertaining from a safe distance.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Tailgating me while I’m going 90 in a 45 is crazy. And those red and blue lights on top of your car look stupid, btw, lol.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Spotted on WeChat:

You’ll never see Asian parents kissing, hugging, or in any form of romance, but boom, 5 children.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

Going bananas on X:

Everyone’s a gangster until their doorbell rings.

Going viral on X:

Men will ask you zero questions about yourself, and then say they never met anybody like you.

Spotted on Twitch:

If you look close enough, everyone is insane.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?

Seen just now on Reddit:

When my sister drives, I am NOT passenger princess, I am a survivor.

Just landed via X:

It’s all fun and games until your jeans no longer fit.

Trending via Slack:

Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.

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