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Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

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I was explaining to my Ukrainian colleague the phrase ‘There’s no such thing as a free lunch’. She told me the equivalent in Ukrainian is ‘The only free cheese is in the mousetrap’ — which is so much better.

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Does running actually get easier if you do it a lot, or is it that you just get more masochistic?

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I can’t wait to go to bed, get terrible sleep, and wake up exhausted with a sore back.

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Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

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Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

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I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

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A funny thing about the Heimlich Maneuver is that it’s impossible to pronounce if you’re choking.

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Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

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I’m not saying I’m old. I’m just saying that my dinner time and bedtime are getting dangerously close to each other.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

508 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,101

Funny Quotes Topics

17,252

Funny Quotes Images

15,101

Updated

Dec 23, 2025

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3,904

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Breaking via Pinterest:

When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Trending via Telegram:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Making waves on Discord:

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

Just landed via TikTok:

Sometimes I need a break from myself but it’s like, ugh, everywhere I go there I am.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Trending via YouTube:

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Just landed via Instagram:

When I grow up, I’d like to be a retired lottery winner.

Home » Funny Age 40 Quotes

Funny age 40 quotes

New funny age 40 quotes 👇

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

0

4 months ago

40, again, age, age 40, body, body image, clothes, day, eternal, fashion, fit, humor, image, keep, optimism, should, size, size too small, small, too, wardrobe

All funny age 40 quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

74 shares on X this month:

Those who run away from me are afraid that they might confess their love to me.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

My signature move is to tell men that I can’t hear them because I have my headphones in when I quite visibly don’t have headphones in.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

54 shares on X this month:

Having a peanut allergy has to be so wild. Like, imagine you’re at a baseball game and there are people chucking bags of rattlesnakes past your head.

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Today is one of those days where I have to remind myself that you’re not allowed to strangle people.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

Wonder what I should wear to World War III.

17 shares on Discord this month:

Even worse than the buzzing of the mosquitoes is the moment when it suddenly stops.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I told my wife the laundry on the couch ain’t gonna fold itself, so if y’all don’t hear from me later, she probably folded me like an omelet.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

In my defense, I was left alone unsupervised.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

How you conduct yourself when using plastic wrap is the real you.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

The sun is so successful because it has the perfect bedtime and morning routines.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Isolation, the most goated coping mechanism. I love talking to no one and losing my mind alone.

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Shared recently on Instagram:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

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Funny age 40 quotes

New funny age 40 quotes 👇

By age 40, you should have an entire wardrobe of clothes—one size too small—that you keep in eternal optimism that you’ll fit in them again one day.

All funny age 40 quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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