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Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Imagine a refund on all the money you spent on alcohol.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Messages are way funnier when you know how that person talks.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

My husband has entered the “fun socks” years.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

3,783

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I am on a diet where you just speak Italian: “Pasta,” “Pizza,” and “I’m leaving Rooma for dessert.”

Just shared via Discord:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

Spotted on Threads:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

Going viral on X:

The collective noun for a group of narcissists should be an ‘egosystem’.

Just shared via YouTube:

We do it every night. Annoy each other.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

No matter how early you get up, fate always gets up half an hour earlier.

Seen just now on Discord:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Breaking via Slack:

I was a nothingburger to him, but he was an everything bagel to me…

Home » Funny Comedy Career Quotes

Funny comedy career quotes

New funny comedy career quotes 👇

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

0

2 months ago

being, big, career, comedian, comedy, comedy career, dark, dark comedy, entertainment, failure, hit, humor, killer, much, Netflix, own, podcast, popping, serial, serial killer, special, spend, success

All funny comedy career quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on YouTube this month:

If you listen closely, you can hear me not caring.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

Karma has taught me to never laugh at a stranger being attacked by a seagull.

17 shares on WeChat this month:

It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

21 shares on TikTok this month:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

81 shares on X this month:

Have you ever noticed that when you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth? It’s like a folding trash can.

67 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

32 shares on Discord this month:

I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

26 shares on Slack this month:

I hate it when I’m cleaning the house and suddenly find a bowl of ice cream in my lap and my soap opera on.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

87 shares on Facebook this month:

I realized being an adult is just feeling too tired to function, and then functioning.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I am convinced that at least half of you are bots.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Due to inflation and tariffs, my love now costs a thing.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

It took me 5 minutes to do something I’ve been stressing about for 6 months. I will learn nothing from this.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Some people avoid bacon for the sake of religion. I avoid religion for the sake of bacon.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has downloaded:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has viewed:

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Brussels sprouts were invented by big cabbage to sell little cabbages.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

I made a resolution to eat better and exercise in the new year but didn’t specify which year I was referring to.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

People my age are raising children, and I’m just here trying to bribe myself with treats into doing my own chores.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Jobs be asking me for 3 references, and I think I might start doing the same. Like, let me talk to 3 happy employees, please.

Spotted on Discord:

Every Microsoft Teams invite you get lowers your testosterone by 1-2%

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

Going viral on Reddit:

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Just shared via TikTok:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Making waves on TikTok:

Nowadays, people no longer look for a needle in a haystack, but for errors in a spreadsheet.

Making waves on TikTok:

Why do birds love going apeshit first thing in the morning?

Shared recently on Facebook:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Funny comedy career quotes

New funny comedy career quotes 👇

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

All funny comedy career quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨