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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Superwoman: Single. Batman: Single. Wonder Woman: Single. I get it now, I’m single because I’m a superhero.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I just cleaned the house top to bottom, so now I’m gonna need everybody to stop living here.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

“Your sock has a hole in it!” Yeah, no shit, that’s how I get my foot in there.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

If you have any questions or concerns please don’t. Hesitate to ask.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Traveling long distance without earphones feels like you’re serving a jail term.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,640

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Breaking via WeChat:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Seen just now on Threads:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Just landed via Instagram:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Trending via Instagram:

God gives the most irritable bowels to the most beautiful angels.

Just shared via Slack:

Having a job is cool, but everyday? Come on!

Seen just now on Discord:

I wish I loved exercise as much as I love napping 3 times a day and eating 5 times the suggested serving size.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Americans can choose from over 1,000 breakfast cereals but only two presidential candidates?

Funny cords quotes

Funny cords quotes are the perfect way to untangle the everyday chaos of wires with a smile 😄🔌. Whether you’re battling messy cables or just love a good pun, these clever lines will have you laughing while you organize 🎉🧩. Get ready to charge up your humor and plug into some seriously witty vibes! ⚡😂 #CordLife #LaughOutLoud

New funny cords quotes 👇

What if babies had two umbilical cords and if you cut the wrong one, it exploded?

5 days ago

absurdity, baby, cord, cords, cut, exploded, explosion, funny scenario, humor, imagination, scenario, umbilical, umbilical cord, wrong
When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

6 days ago

childhood, cord, cords, humor, i, kid, nostalgia, phone, phones, reach, restriction, school, technology
I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

2 weeks ago

away, comparison, cords, day, humor, husband, i, keep, need, old, organization, preparedness, screenshot, storage

All funny cords quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

39 shares on Facebook this month:

Why is it that your clothes only get caught on the door handle when you’re in a bad mood?

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

My bit for Thanksgiving is going to be constantly bringing up politics, but pronouncing every politician’s name slightly incorrectly.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Called in, “I’m a time traveler. I came in today yesterday.”

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

77 shares on Telegram this month:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

27 shares on Slack this month:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

Having a crush on someone as an adult feels like a humiliation ritual.

98 shares on Instagram this month:

It’d be nice if my bank account filled up as quickly as my laundry basket.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Here’s what I’ve learned since I’ve been on social media: I’m not nearly as disturbed as I thought I was.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I swear the air gets heavier around 6 p.m. on Sundays. You can feel the Microsoft Teams energy approaching.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been commissioned to kiss you on the lips. I need to get this done by tonight.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Single in the womb, single till the tomb!

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I respect perfume commercials being like we can’t show you a smell mind if we just go insane for 30 seconds.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My cat and I talked it over and no we don’t think that I’m crazy.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Everybody’s back hurts until it’s time to have sexy time.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,410

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has copied:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Does anyone know where I can get my shit together?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

“There are lots of benefits to working here. We have fun social events and activities after work!” And what are the benefits?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

My chess strategy is eating one of your pieces every time you look away.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Tidying up usually ends up with you sitting somewhere and playing around with things you found while tidying up.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

Okay, this integrity isn’t going to compromise itself.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I love being an adult and sitting absolutely still and suddenly I’ve hurt my neck somehow.

Trending via WeChat:

Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.

Freshly posted on X:

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Good morning to everyone except the people who are missing the ability to read the room.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Sometimes my mouth hits send before my brain has a chance to stop it.

Just landed via Facebook:

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t like who I become when I’m watching someone Google something less efficiently than I would myself.

Making waves on Reddit:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m stuck between “I need to save money” and “You only live once.”

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