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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Grape soda doesn’t taste at all like grapes, but it does taste like purple, and I don’t know how to explain that.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has viewed:

Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Commenting “This could be us” on her pics with her boyfriend.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has downloaded:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,569

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

A spoonful of peanut butter from the jar will fix me.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.

Trending via TikTok:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

Going viral on X:

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Starting to think I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Spotted on Messenger:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Just landed via Facebook:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Just shared via Snapchat:

“You’re so quiet!” Thanks! I actually tried to speak twice but you kept talking over me.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I keep my eyes in great shape by rolling them constantly.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

We should bring gargoyles back, more buildings need freaky little guys on them.

14 shares on X this month:

I’ve found God. It’s my turn to hide now.

45 shares on YouTube this month:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

64 shares on Discord this month:

The sole purpose of your child’s middle name… is so they know when they’re really in trouble.

71 shares on TikTok this month:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

51 shares on Instagram this month:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

54 shares on YouTube this month:

The first time I saw a kiwi I thought it’s a potato with fur.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The real advantage of being self-employed is that you don’t have to go to a Christmas party.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Every Sunday is superbowel if you eat enough chili.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

There are a 100 billions nerves in the human body, and there are people who have the ability to irritate all of them.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My issue with Jeopardy is that you never get the sense that the contestants are in any real danger.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

There’s really nothing as pathetic as watching a sad little man argue with Grok in hopes of manipulating the conversation to get an answer he wants.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to hack Kanye’s account and make him post something normal.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,359

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Any place is a walkable city if you’re broke enough.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

You look like the kind of person whose recorded calls have been used for training purposes.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

I prefer to use deodorant immediately after shaving my armpits so that I can feel that I’m still alive.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

Why can’t they use deep fake technology for good instead of evil? Like taking Zoom meetings for you, stuff like that.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

Monday has a personal vendetta against my happiness.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Most people don’t listen at all, they just wait until they can continue talking.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

I woke up extra early today to get in as much ‘worrying about it being Monday tomorrow’ as possible.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

I hope this email punches you square in the face.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

No, baby, I’m not dumping you. I’m just rebranding myself as your ex.

Shared recently on Discord:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Trending via Instagram:

Imagine you blocked me, and I crawled out from under your couch to ask why.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Trending via Snapchat:

They should invent health insurance that insures your health.

Just shared via Messenger:

Roses are pink. I need a drink.

Making waves on Discord:

Tattoos: because being an adult is hard, and I deserve to have stickers.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Being awake is the worst.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I switched from coffee to orange juice and told my doctor I felt better. He said it’s the vitamin C and natural sugars, but I think it’s the vodka.

Trending via Snapchat:

Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

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