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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

“This isn’t going to end well for you.” Me, alone in the house, to the cake on the counter.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has bookmarked:

I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Going from “I can fix her” to “I don’t care if she lives or dies” in the same beer.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has shared:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

My favorite hobby is withering away.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I run a parody bank account.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

I enjoy long walks up and down my stairs trying to remember what I was supposed to be doing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,507

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

A little sign under the doorbell that says, “think twice, adventurer.”

Making waves on WeChat:

I’m really looking forward to another exciting year staring at my phone.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Throwing a spear at your enemy is a bad gamble. If you miss, you have no spear now and he’s just fine. He’s better than fine; now he has a spear.

Making waves on Slack:

Person: gives compliment. Me: let me give you a brief synopsis of why you are sorely mistaken.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Banks: You are broke, so we are going to charge you for being broke.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

Just landed via TikTok:

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Just landed via TikTok:

You know what’s worse than someone’s phone alarm playing the tune over and over? Someone else who starts whistling along.

Just shared via Pinterest:

If I was a microplastic, I would simply not go in the ocean or anyone’s mouth.

Funny demise quotes

Funny demise quotes bring a hilarious twist to life’s final chapter 💀😂 Whether you love dark humor or just enjoy a cheeky laugh, these witty one-liners turn the inevitable into pure comedy gold 🎭🔥 Ready to lighten the mood and embrace the funny side of farewells? Let’s dive into some quotes that prove even the end can have a punchline! 😜✨

New funny demise quotes 👇

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

4 weeks ago

demise, escape, humor, planning, process, quiet, rest, sweet, too
If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

1 month ago

am, demise, escape, humor, i, plotting, quiet, sarcasm, threat, witty

All funny demise quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

26 shares on Threads this month:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

You’re an adult if you’re happy every time the mailbox is empty.

28 shares on X this month:

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

66 shares on Discord this month:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

67 shares on X this month:

11:00 am – Anything is possible. 3:00 pm – But not today.

74 shares on Messenger this month:

Somebody should market a beer called “Occasionally”. So when asked, I can say, “I only drink occasionally”.

46 shares on Slack this month:

Oh, so ChatGPT is gonna tell me about me? Seems gossipy.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly selective about what I suffer for.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

“You look nervous” Thanks, I’ve been practicing my whole life.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

“Can my boyfriend come?” Will he contribute to our conversation, at least one question?

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

First caveman to see fire: Well, this is a buncha bullshit that no one needs (stomps it out) and I predict that’s the last I’ll ever see of that.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I am the human version of tangled headphones.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If love is the answer then what was the question?

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Wish I could just go back to eating cookies and not knowing what day it was.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,485

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

When I see chocolate, I hear two voices inside me. One says: “Eat it!”. The other says: “Did you hear that? You’re supposed to eat it!”

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

When fireworks were invented, it was ‘hisssss’ to ‘wheeeee’ in the making.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

If an ice cream truck has its music on, are you supposed to pull over and let it pass like an ambulance?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

No one watches your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

They should invent a job that actually wants to hire you after you apply.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

What doesn’t kill you will text you in 5 months to ask “What are you doing?”

Trending via Instagram:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Going bananas on YouTube:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Just shared via TikTok:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

Just shared via Telegram:

Love to go to hipster restaurants and eat half a grilled cheese off an old license plate.

Just shared via Facebook:

Never faked an orgasm before, but the joy of ugly presents.

Just landed via Snapchat:

“I’m not jealous of nobody but stay-at-home wives who are married to wealthy men.”

Spotted on WhatsApp:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Live now on X:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

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