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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

People always tell me I’d be “late to my own funeral” like it’s a bad thing. They’d be lucky if I even showed up to that depressing shit.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

My computer: Consider changing your password. Me: Consider fighting me in the streets.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

After a vacation, I usually return to work with a fresh, reenergized hatred for my job.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has bookmarked:

Back to work after the long holiday weekend, so you’re finally away from the relatives you don’t like, and back with the co-workers you don’t like.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

I’m cosplaying as a functional adult again.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

On Twitter, you will always find someone who is tweeting your thoughts but with better grammar.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,502

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via TikTok:

Wearing white pants today, so it’s really just a matter of time before I spill something on myself.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Pizza rolls are comfort food because they look like little pillows.

Going bananas on Discord:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

Live now on Snapchat:

My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

Making waves on Discord:

When I’m dying, please rush me to the nearest haunted house. I don’t want to haunt a shitty apartment by myself.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The incontinent optimist sees the bladder as half empty.

Spotted on Threads:

Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Funny eating in bed quotes

New funny eating in bed quotes 👇

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

2 weeks ago

bed, body, breakfast, crisis, eating, eating in bed, gym, gym membership, humor, i, indulgence, me, membership, midlife, midlife crisis, revenge, revenge body, self-care, Snickers, want, wish

All funny eating in bed quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on Messenger this month:

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

74 shares on Slack this month:

If the Christians published the Kama Sutra, it would have been one page long.

38 shares on Messenger this month:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

14 shares on Threads this month:

Arab perfumes have zero chill… the entire street knows you’ve arrived.

52 shares on X this month:

I’m drinking coffee so I don’t say mean things to you. You’re welcome.

34 shares on TikTok this month:

Family Guy is so insane because, why were people dating that dog?

22 shares on TikTok this month:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

73 shares on Messenger this month:

Make every hug more interesting by mysteriously whispering, “the Dark Lord stands at the crossroads!”

85 shares on Instagram this month:

I miss having that butterfly feeling. People give me roach vibes at this point.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

“God has a plan for you.” OK, is God open to a little feedback?

Someone from 🇷🇸 has viewed:

Every squad has that person who has to go home early.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Transgender ambulance driver whose pronouns are we/you/we/you/we/you.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

What is that job called where you put the little stickers on fruit? I think I would be good at that.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I like you because we hate the same people.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

I went downstairs to get my charger. I came back up with a bowl of ice cream and no charger.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

If I honk at this person, maybe it will make them a better person.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

Anyone know how to create an Outlook rule that sends every email to junk, deletes it, blocks the sender, and sets my laptop on fire?

Making waves on YouTube:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Spotted on Twitch:

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Sometimes I read a text and think, “What a psycho.” And then I press send.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Trending via Pinterest:

It’s a beautiful day to ignore your existing problems and create new ones.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Making waves on X:

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

Just landed via Threads:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Just landed via Twitch:

This year, the feliz is not navidading.

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Funny eating in bed quotes

New funny eating in bed quotes 👇

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

All funny eating in bed quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨