Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

Ears are great for tucking your hair behind in the wind. Big shout out to ears.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

I had a Russian Uber driver the other day. His name was Pikup Andropov.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Being in love will have you put your pride aside and go to places you never thought you would, like New Jersey.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,571

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

People who like sweet potato fries can’t be taken seriously and deserve shame and ridicule.

Making waves on Threads:

Based on the amount of laundry I wash each week, I’m starting to think there are people who live here that I haven’t met yet.

Going viral on Facebook:

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

Live now on Instagram:

Interviewer: Why do you want to work in customer service? Me: Well, I’m really good at apologizing for things that aren’t my fault.

Seen just now on Messenger:

All I’m saying is that at first I am shy and then I become a podcast.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Making waves on Messenger:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Shared recently on Reddit:

As an academic, I sometimes dream about writing fiction instead, and then I remember grant proposals.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Funny eating in bed quotes

New funny eating in bed quotes 👇

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

0

2 months ago

bed, body, breakfast, crisis, eating, eating in bed, gym, gym membership, humor, i, indulgence, me, membership, midlife, midlife crisis, revenge, revenge body, self-care, Snickers, want, wish

All funny eating in bed quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on TikTok this month:

They’re making me do work at work.

100 shares on Slack this month:

My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

76 shares on Reddit this month:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

15 shares on TikTok this month:

I would be more patient if it didn’t take so long.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

My acting reel includes clips of me “listening” during Zoom meetings.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.

32 shares on Twitch this month:

“I don’t do politics.” Politics will do you, my brother and sister. Politics will do you like mad.

100 shares on Discord this month:

British people never go downstairs; they just jump out of a window and open an umbrella like Mary Poppins.

77 shares on Reddit this month:

I can already feel that the day is going to seize me instead of the other way around.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

I am “I can’t remember the last time I went out on New Year’s Eve” old.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

I’m only drinking a lot of beer tonight because I need the room in the fridge.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

The History Channel, because where else are you going to learn about how aliens were instrumental in the development of humanity?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

What’s wrong, babe? You hardly touched your own advice you give to others.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Quit keeping your enemies closer. No wonder you feel like shit.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Going viral on Pinterest:

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

Broadcasted on Slack:

At some point, I need to admit my ‘guilty pleasure’ music taste is just my music taste now.

Going viral on X:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I live in my own little world. But it’s ok, they know me here.

Trending via Messenger:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Going viral on Discord:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Going viral on Twitch:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Spotted on Slack:

Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny eating in bed quotes

New funny eating in bed quotes 👇

I wish my midlife crisis made me want to get a gym membership and a revenge body, but instead I’m eating Snickers for breakfast in bed.

All funny eating in bed quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨