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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

Don’t flirt with me. I’ll show up at your house and start eating all your snacks.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Relationship tip: Make sure you’re the crazy one.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

You know you’ve mastered marriage when you shout to your husband, “Take the thing off the thing,” and he immediately knows what to do.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

I don’t like talking to people with an IQ lower than the room temperature.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I have an addiction to pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

Saying “Hmmmm” when my boss walks in so he knows I’m thinking about stuff.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has copied:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,493

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

You look like the type of person that would fart in bed and Dutch Oven yourself.

Making waves on Telegram:

A person becomes 10 times more attractive not by their looks but by photoshop.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

Making waves on Slack:

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My parents think they know me.

Trending via Threads:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Shared recently on Threads:

There’s not gonna be a civil war. None of us can afford to take that much time off work.

Breaking via Instagram:

I know everything is expensive right now, but just remember correcting people’s grammar online is still free.

Just landed via YouTube:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Spotted on Slack:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Funny favorite child quotes

Funny favorite child quotes bring all the laughs and sibling rivalry drama to life 😂🎉 Whether you’re team oldest, middle, or baby, these witty lines capture the playful battles for the crown 👑😜 Get ready to giggle, relate, and maybe even claim your spot as the ultimate favorite child! 😎✨ Perfect for sharing with family or spicing up your feed with some cheeky humor! 📱🔥

New funny favorite child quotes 👇

All funny favorite child quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

60 shares on Threads this month:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

68 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

79 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m bad at being sad. Three mins later, I’m making jokes about my situation.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

I keep screenshots the way my husband keeps old cords, stored neatly away until the day I might need them.

23 shares on Reddit this month:

Can’t, trying to piece together today’s news from social media posts.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

49 shares on Discord this month:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

Hello, boyfriend? It’s me, girlfriend, from dating?

92 shares on WeChat this month:

Dollar Tree need to just go ahead and change the name to Tree of Unexpected Prices.

23 shares on Discord this month:

Rehab is a great place to meet people that like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

22 folks are currently checking 👀

We’re all naughty, some just more than others.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Working with children gives you so much in return. Lice, for example.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

But are we sure that stomachs are meant to be flat?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Self-checkout is amazing for introverts until the machine breaks and two employees have to come fix it while you wait.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so toxic, I can fight for a relationship I don’t even want.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

A girl, her bed, and TV series on a Friday evening is a true love story.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Texting my boss to let him know how excited I am for work tomorrow.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Women’s skincare is so confusing. Am I supposed to look shiny and sweaty, or matte like cement?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,458

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Trust me; this is the second millennium I’ve lived in.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has copied:

In honor of Charles Dickens, I will also be poor this Christmas.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I sign all anniversary cards with ‘Way to commit to the bit!’

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I wonder if the guy who came up with the term “One Hit Wonder” came up with any other phrases?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

My immune system told me it’s a lover not a fighter.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Eating healthy requires a second job.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Exorcist came by. Says house isn’t possessed, just incredibly poorly built.

Trending via Telegram:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Just landed via Facebook:

A DM? Flirt on the timeline like a real man.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

Live now on TikTok:

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

Just landed via Facebook:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Trending via X:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m getting close to that age where people applaud the things I’m “still able to do”.

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