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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

My New Year’s resolution is to emit a powerful beam of light.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

If it weren’t for the last minute, I’d never do anything.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

If my TV’s so smart then why doesn’t it slap me when I turn on the news?

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

I can’t do the splits. But so far there has never been a situation where I’ve thought, “I should do the splits now.”

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

Sorry, babe, can’t right now. The group chat is active, and I’m trying to get my joke in before they change topics.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Damn, how much daylight are they trying to save? It’s dark as hell.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,659

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via TikTok:

Life is just a series of Sopranos references with some other things mixed in.

Going viral on Reddit:

A girl can casually just say something, and you already know you’re not going to date or marry her.

Shared recently on Reddit:

When I was a little girl, I always dreamed of growing up to satisfy user needs in a way that meets business goals for transformative outcomes.

Just landed via Messenger:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Just shared via TikTok:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Trending via Discord:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

Shared recently on X:

Me leaving the house: I hope I don’t see anyone.

Making waves on WeChat:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Going viral on Facebook:

My doctor told me to eat more Taco Bell. Well, he actually said “less McDonald’s”, but I’m pretty sure I know what he meant.

Just landed via Messenger:

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

Funny fossil quotes

Funny fossil quotes 🦕💬 bring prehistoric humor to life, making ancient bones and rocks surprisingly hilarious! Whether you’re a dino lover or just here for a good laugh 😂, these witty lines dig deep into history with a playful twist. Get ready to unearth some giggles that are truly set in stone! 🪨🤣 #FossilFun #DinoLaughs

New funny fossil quotes 👇

All funny fossil quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

86 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

Adults should get spring break from their jobs.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

“People you may know” and it’s someone I would set on fire.

22 shares on Discord this month:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

If someone asks you: ‘Why are you single, don’t you like people?’, answer: ‘Why aren’t you a millionaire, don’t you like money?’

47 shares on TikTok this month:

I love the smell of someone burning their last bridge with me.

96 shares on Slack this month:

Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

78 shares on YouTube this month:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

If a vegetarian who eats fish is a pescatarian, is a vegetarian who eats chicken called a poultrygeist?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

These aliens are taking forever.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

From now on, I’m gonna tell guests that I made my house especially messy just for their visit. It was hard, but I got it done.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

11 folks are currently checking 👀

My whole life, I never read a warning label telling me not to eat laundry detergent or put glue in my hair, somehow I just knew.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,692

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

My grandmother is a shining example of how you can live until 90 years of age, sustained by nothing but spite and biscuits.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

The problem with expensive things is that you tend to want them.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Therapy is expensive, getting lost in the woods and never being seen again is free.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing and live for 150 years. Lesson learned.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has shared:

Life is just a sequence of missed opportunities.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

Have you ever “accidentally” eaten a family sized bag of chips?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Being gracefully unhinged is the only way to get through the everyday bullshit.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Making waves on TikTok:

The only career advice I have is make every decision that moves you closer to not having to be on LinkedIn.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Behind every beautiful woman is either tummy issues, low iron, or poor eyesight.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I wanted to study psychology, but I have more potential as a patient, to be honest.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

One day you’re young and carefree and the next you sneeze too hard and hurt your neck.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Making waves on X:

Please stop fighting with each other on the internet and start fighting with each other in real life. Life is short.

Breaking via Instagram:

No, babe, your 10-minute incremental alarms starting a full hour before you actually get up only make me love you more.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I hope this 17th text in a row with no response finds you well.

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