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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Phones are wild… we really just sit around tapping glass all day.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

Optimist: The glass is ½ full. Pessimist: The glass is ½ empty. Excel: The glass is January 2nd.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

I love surprising my metabolism. It never knows what’s coming—either absolute starvation or 1,000+ calories all at once.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Can someone please just give me a participation trophy for making it through today, please?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I love when men go on diets they will be like “let me go for the healthy option”: the buffalo chicken quesadilla.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,394

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Live now on X:

Gravity, at all times, is trying to pull your pants down.

Making waves on Discord:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Better to be an overthinker than an overdrinker.

Shared recently on TikTok:

My dad once sneezed so hard that he set every clock back two hours.

Live now on Pinterest:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the holiday traffic I said I’d avoid even though I did nothing to avoid it.

Just shared via Snapchat:

To bed then. To bed with you! Guards, take him to my bed!

Breaking via Discord:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Going viral on Reddit:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Funny funny week quotes

New funny funny week quotes 👇

All funny funny week quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Reddit this month:

Got kicked out of reincarnation club for yelling yolo.

91 shares on Instagram this month:

Opened two gifts this morning, and they were my eyes.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

I wouldn’t walk 500 miles, and then walk 500 more.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

The world would be a much nicer place if we just turn off the news.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m at that age where someone can call me the wrong name and I’m just like “whatever, I’ll be Dan for a minute”.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

I’ll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

80 shares on YouTube this month:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

Pilots lowkey have an aura when they walk past you in the airport.

26 shares on Messenger this month:

Dancing alone in your home is its own kind of therapy.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve officially reached the age where I don’t want to do anything after 9pm.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Overthinkaholic!

22 folks are currently checking 👀

As a parent you get to see just how much a baby accomplishes in its first year of life. Because you’re awake for all of it.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Being a social worker is crazy because those are literally my two least favorite things.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Might quit my job to focus on actually putting away my laundry.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The feminine urge to start a coven.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like “I hate drama,” and then have love triangles, secret babies, a wife, side chick, ex that’s still around, breadcrumbs, and unhealed trauma.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,386

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

My husband is looking for the remote control. I need everyone to stand up for a minute.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

There should be an Amazon driver at the Mall during the holidays so adults can sit on their lap and tell them what they want.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Men be like, “I’m sexually attracted to you as a friend.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

No, don’t worry about him, babe. That’s just my soulmate.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

Just shared via Threads:

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

Shared recently on Reddit:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Find someone who looks at you the way I look at a cheeseburger.

Going viral on YouTube:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past 2 years.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Just landed via Messenger:

If I was lying down and someone came up and gave me tons of kisses and smooshed my face, I’d love it. I don’t know what my cat’s problem is.

Spotted on Twitch:

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

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