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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

I can’t wait until my kids have a place of their own so I can come barging through their door and say “what’s for dinner? I don’t like that. Can you give me money for McDonald’s?”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place wieners and/or cheese slices in your pockets, so the search dogs will find you first.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Micro-dosing time travel by going to bed.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

I like to take long walks away from stupid people.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Threads:

No place in this world is as dark as my archived chats on WhatsApp.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Petition to change the name of rice cakes to something else as they are 100% rice and 0% cake and I’m tired of all the gaslighting.

Spotted on Slack:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I don’t know which is worse, people stealing your jokes or people not stealing your jokes.

Just shared via Telegram:

Is this simulation from Temu?

Shared recently on Slack:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” That entirely depends on what you need me to do.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Not now darling, mummy’s influencing on the www.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

I’m so lazy that I get jealous when it’s bedtime in other countries.

Just shared via YouTube:

So, if you are too tired to speak, sit next to me, because I am fluent in silence.

Funny good candidate quotes

New funny good candidate quotes 👇

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

2 weeks ago

advice, afraid, ask, ask questions, best, candidate, communication, find out, good, good candidate, humor, interview, job, job interview, person, questions, workplace

All funny good candidate quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on TikTok this month:

How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I do not have a “body count.” I have a curious spirit.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

58 shares on Slack this month:

If a company’s hiring sign says, “Come grow with us,” you’re about to do the work of 3-5 people.

67 shares on Messenger this month:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

58 shares on Facebook this month:

Wealthy person who has no problems and also meditates sometimes: Meditation is my secret weapon.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

73 shares on Discord this month:

If I go missing and you put my weight on that poster, I swear I’m not coming back.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

My day starts backwards, I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Your skull is the only thing preventing your brain from floating away, unburdened as it is by any meaningful thought to anchor it.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

When the Olympics finally introduces the event “Dropping your phone and very nearly catching it but not quite” then you’ll all see me shine.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

One thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m dumb.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Nothing has paid off less than learning to do the Macarena.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

There are days when trying to control your class is like trying to hug a tornado.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I hate it when I’m gossiping at work and a customer wants to be served. How rude is that?

Seen just now on TikTok:

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

Trending via WeChat:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Just shared via Reddit:

Sometimes you just need to eat shredded cheese straight out of the bag.

Just landed via Twitch:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

Making waves on Threads:

Mr. Beast is like if they made Dubai into a person.

Making waves on Discord:

And for my next trick, I’m going to miss you in a million unspoken ways.

Just landed via Pinterest:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Spotted on YouTube:

Went to the grocery store hungry. I didn’t need to pay rent this month anyway.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny good candidate quotes

New funny good candidate quotes 👇

Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

All funny good candidate quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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