Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I know you miss me. The tarot lady on TikTok just told me.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

If you listen to my husband snore, you don’t need Jurassic Park anymore.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I suck at flirting. I be like “is that so?”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

Daylight savings is just a made up holiday to sell more daylight.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,400

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Just shared via TikTok:

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Just shared via Slack:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Spotted on Twitch:

The worst thing you can do while cleaning is sit down for a minute.

Spotted on Telegram:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

It’s true that I’ve been through the desert on a horse with no name, but for my return trip, I rented a camel named Carl.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Just shared via Twitch:

Stop letting people who are going to hell bother you.

Trending via Discord:

Can’t. Too busy saving daylight.

Funny hand washing quotes

New funny hand washing quotes 👇

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

0

3 months ago

actually, cleaning, countertop, countertop cleaning, daily, daily routine, face, face washing, feet, feet washing, floor, floor cleaning, forearm, forearm washing, hair, hair washing, hand, hand washing, hands, humor, hygiene, multitasking, routine, shirt, shirt washing, washing

Someone from 🇻🇺 has recently copied this quote.

81 shares on YouTube this month.

All funny hand washing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Reddit this month:

If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

73 shares on Slack this month:

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

Social media is mental suicide.

93 shares on Messenger this month:

That one unemployed roommate who gets a package every day.

59 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve never used a semicolon with 100% confidence.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”

97 shares on Messenger this month:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Have you ever pretended not to look at the biscuits or sweets being handed around the room, and acted surprised when you got offered one?

80 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Asking a film guy, “Who is that?” when Tom Cruise comes on screen just to feel something.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Time travel is all well and good, but I feel so stupid right now. None of them have the mustache. No way to tell which baby is Hitler.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Glad I didn’t really waste any time studying international law, seeing as how it is fake and meaningless.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” Yeah, well, I just analyzed it from a Marxist perspective, and it was pretty obvious.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Have a good weekend, unless you have other plans.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

You ever been in the middle of a conversation and realized this is why you avoid people?

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Main difference between me and my jokes is that folks don’t laugh at my jokes.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

Just paid my bills, so don’t ask me to come out. I’m at home getting my money’s worth.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has downloaded:

My favorite part of The Godfather is when the guy wakes up and screams because the Mafia has stolen the bottom half of the horse he keeps in his bed.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Wow, pretty rude for people to exist who are younger and hotter than me, but OK.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Going viral on Messenger:

Your annoying online persona has captured my heart.

Just landed via X:

I’m sorry, but when you call me ‘batshit crazy’ it’s almost starting to sound like you think it’s a bad thing!

Live now on Threads:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

Just landed via Discord:

God creating the duck: waterproof that chicken and give it a kazoo.

Going viral on X:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Spotted on Instagram:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Making waves on Slack:

That moment when a zombie out for brains walks past you.

Going bananas on Threads:

Them: OMG, I haven’t seen you in so long. Me: Yeah, that was on purpose.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny hand washing quotes

New funny hand washing quotes 👇

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

All funny hand washing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨