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3 weeks ago
Share →: Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

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Taking a casual stroll around the world for some me-time is totally relatable 🌍🚶‍♂️😅 Just don't forget your passport next time!

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Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

But if I get tinted windows, how will people see me flipping them off?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Wolves are just dogs that nobody has called a “good boy” yet.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Text a co-worker at a random time “are you joining this meeting?” as a fun holiday prank.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

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Going viral on Discord:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Spotted on Twitch:

I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My whole life is basically a blooper reel.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Later is the best time to do anything.

Trending via X:

I disagree with my politics.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’ve reached the age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Live now on Twitch:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

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I wonder what other animals we tried to ride before discovering that horses were cool with it.

I have consumed so much potato salad the last couple of days, I’m sweating mayo.

Every time your mom tells you that she wants the best for you, she is talking about me.

Sometimes I feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not.

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

The goth urge to live in a haunted Victorian estate and be feared by the townspeople.

Avocado is just green butter.

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We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Millennials are just 30-40-year-olds who look 20-30 years old and feel 80-90 years old.

Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

It’s Friday. Rules don’t apply.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

He was only called Mr. Pepper until he published his groundbreaking research on fizzics.

The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

If this meeting were any slower, it’d be a landscape painting.

I love when kids tell me what they want to be when they grow up, because I’m still looking for ideas.

Shazam but for random noises outside.

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