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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I miss when there were so many episodes of every show that they all eventually did one where it was hot, and the air conditioning went out.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

There’s an epidemic of people just staring at their phones in their parked cars.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has downloaded:

Don’t be fooled by what your kids will eat at someone else’s house.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

It’s unfortunate that scrubbing the floors on your hands and knees is so much more effective than mopping.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Getting into male-dominated fields like falling asleep on the couch.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

They should invent a relationship that doesn’t turn into the worst experience of my entire life.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Corporate life requires an ass-licking skill set I simply wasn’t born with.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

“Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m trying to quit making sexual innuendos but it’s so hard.

Trending via YouTube:

What’s a polite way to tell someone you hope they get mauled by a bear?

Making waves on Slack:

It’s important to post stupid stuff so you can learn who likes you.

Spotted on Threads:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

If I buy the circus, the monkey will be the manager.

Spotted on Slack:

Hey, you wanna come to a wedding with me? You could be the groom.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I can actually be quite charming if you would let me out of the guillotine.

Trending via Reddit:

Rental car companies seem so insanely helpless at their one job. You show up at the airport, reservation in hand, and they’re like, ‘Wait, really? You wanted a car? Sorry, you totally caught me off guard.’

Funny I’ve Got a Feeling quotes

New funny I’ve Got a Feeling quotes 👇

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

3 days ago

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All funny I’ve Got a Feeling quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

19 shares on Facebook this month:

Watermelon. The fruit that comes with a workout.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

Turns out, college is all about forming unspoken, powerful bonds with people you talk to twice.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

I really want a family… sized bag of peanut butter M&Ms.

56 shares on Telegram this month:

All day I think about sleep but when it’s time to go to bed I don’t wanna.

39 shares on X this month:

The difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body is that I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.

10 shares on Telegram this month:

What’s the opposite of FOMO? The feeling of knowing you made the right decision not going somewhere once you see or hear dispatches from it.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

In medieval Europe, it was pretty easy to amass vast armies eager to go into battle and have their heads chopped off because no one wanted to be alive in medieval Europe.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror films to relax the viewer before sleeping.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

56 shares on X this month:

I was born in the right generation. I love bedrotting and scrolling through Twitter all day.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I prefer my weighted blanket in human form.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Love when plans get canceled. It’s like getting a snow day as an adult.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

Stop expecting people to be as cool as you, it’s a recipe for disappointment.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Therapy? I have Spotify.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

To be gentle in this world is an act of rebellion.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

You didn’t lock in hard enough if you’re not feeling asexual.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

“We will go ahead and make these changes if we don’t hear from you before Friday” is such an elegant way to solve problems.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Instagram:

At least life has music.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

Going viral on Twitch:

I may not understand women, but cheeseburgers have never sent me mixed signals, and for that they’ll always have my heart.

Going viral on Discord:

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Whoever has designed parking garages is either an architectural genius or an evil sadist.

Seen just now on Reddit:

It’s only 9am and I’ve already ruined my son’s entire life by giving him the banana with the brown spot on it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

If snails are so slow, why don’t we ever see them coming? It’s just BAM, there’s a snail.

Just landed via TikTok:

My ideal vacation would be to drop my family off at the airport and then have a week of peace and quiet.

Seen just now on Slack:

I used to have a great future in my past.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

People should come with warning labels.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny I’ve Got a Feeling quotes

New funny I’ve Got a Feeling quotes 👇

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

All funny I’ve Got a Feeling quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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