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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I want to be a house cat and simply slap the shit out of anything in front of me that I do not understand.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

Sunday is my favorite day where I pretend I’m going to do something productive.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

There’s never a good place to clip your toenails at the library.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

I hate when I go to the kitchen looking for food, and all I find is ingredients.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

My favorite part of the Bible is where God says, put a cross emoji in your bio and cheer on the dehumanization of minorities.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,691

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

They should invent a day where I don’t wonder why.

Spotted on Messenger:

Maybe Rome was built in a day. I wasn’t there.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I always need to pee, but it’s just because my heart is so big it pushes on my bladder.

Trending via Instagram:

Going “Omgg, that’s crazy,” every time my coworkers talk until it’s time to go home.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

Just shared via Twitch:

How do I gracefully leave this party early but also take the queso dip with me?

Just landed via Discord:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Trending via Slack:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Making waves on Twitch:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Live now on YouTube:

I’m accused of being a plagiarist. Their words, not mine.

Funny living with pet quotes

New funny living with pet quotes 👇

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

4 weeks ago

90, animal, animal behavior, around, behavior, companionship, daily, daily life, dog, following, humor, life, living, living with pet, mouth, owner, pet, pet owner, watching, wondering

All funny living with pet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Slack this month:

Nothing is impossible, except for my daughter returning home with the hat and gloves she wore to school this morning.

71 shares on Reddit this month:

I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.

94 shares on Snapchat this month:

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

51 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes I wonder if the plot ever gets tired of being twisted.

23 shares on Threads this month:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

16 shares on WeChat this month:

“Your password is too weak.” Just wait until you see my will to live.

16 shares on Slack this month:

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

Fleetwood Mac said that I could go my own way, your honor.

40 shares on WeChat this month:

Shout out to Yamaha for being like, “Here’s a cool motorcycle. Also, here’s a cool piano.”

66 shares on Discord this month:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has shared:

With a lollipop in one hand and a dandelion in the other, concentration is very important, as every summer child knows.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Being single for Valentine’s Day is way better than being in the wrong relationship.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

I know so many people with cats, and only a tiny number of them went to a shelter and picked out a cat. Everyone else I know with a cat has a story that’s like, ‘Yeah, he just moved in.’

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Eleven out of ten people are stupid.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Went out of town, came back and the roomba changed all the locks.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

The dumbest people have the loudest opinions on politics.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Facebook:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

There are people on TV who are not ruined by fame, but who ruin fame.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

Live now on Facebook:

What if AirPods had tongues and they started licking the inside of your ears to indicate they’re low on battery?

Just shared via Telegram:

I hate that I present as an independent woman who doesn’t need any help. It’s a facade. Help me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Just shared via Pinterest:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

Seen just now on Reddit:

If you’re a dude and you’re having a bad day, just remember, no one cares.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

Shared recently on Discord:

I didn’t really feel old until my doctor hit me with the “at your age…”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny living with pet quotes

New funny living with pet quotes 👇

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

All funny living with pet quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨