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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇹 has viewed:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Applying for jobs sometimes is wild, like how am I supposed to be passionate about a company I don’t even work for yet?

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

I can’t believe I slept good all night. What a rush.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

How do you react when you see someone you respect on an e-scooter?

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

So you mean to tell me a stress ball is not for throwing at people who stress you out?

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Being an adult is a little out of my price range right now.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

I wish I was as tired at bedtime as I am at 2 p.m. on any given day.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Someone you haven’t talked to in forever will show up in your dream just to do a backflip.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,424

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

I used to really want to be understood. Now I mainly just want things like snacks and juice.

Making waves on Telegram:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Follow your dreams – ideally in a field that will still require humans when you graduate.

Breaking via Messenger:

If you need me, I will be at the library sniffing old books.

Freshly posted on X:

If we start dating now, we could be feeding each other deviled eggs on Thanksgiving, and breaking up before we have to exchange gifts for Christmas.

Trending via Threads:

I like waiters. They bring a lot to the table.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

My bad if I ever left you on read. I didn’t mean to open the message.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Me, as a vampire: Tell me, mortal, have you had any alcohol in the last 24 hours?

Funny locked out quotes

New funny locked out quotes 👇

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

2 weeks ago

accident, accidentally, cheesecake, dessert, eating, finished, funny situation, hear, house, humor, husband, i, knocking, locked, locked out, marriage, marriage humor, rest, situation, weird

All funny locked out quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

62 shares on WeChat this month:

People be like “bear with me” and they don’t even have a bear with them.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

10 shares on Discord this month:

Odd—my boss told me to meet him at the abandoned quarry at midnight for my performance evaluation.

43 shares on Threads this month:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

They hooked up tubes and sensors, but the doctor still can’t figure out why my kisses are so sweet. They want to hold me overnight and “never let go.”

72 shares on Telegram this month:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

27 shares on YouTube this month:

How old is older? Because I’m still waiting for this wise thing to kick in.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

All income is disposable if you’re brave enough.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

I think I’ll just let my jazz hands speak for themselves.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

At some point, my colleagues will manage to get me my own true crime documentary on Netflix.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

Nobody views your story faster than someone who doesn’t talk to you.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Unfortunately, I have the paper towel habit of a much wealthier man.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

We should be able to call in healthy: “I feel amazing today, and I’m not wasting it at work.”

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Patience is for beginners. I’d rather freak out straight away!

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?”

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Does anyone know what to do, like in general?

Just landed via Reddit:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Vaping always looked dumb. It looks like you’re smoking a kazoo, and now the lead poisoning is the cherry on top.

Just landed via Messenger:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Making waves on Discord:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.

Going viral on X:

I’m not like other teenagers, I’m 51.

Spotted on WeChat:

I start each day assuming it will be horrible and go from there.

Going bananas on X:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

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Funny locked out quotes

New funny locked out quotes 👇

My husband accidentally locked himself out of the house, and I didn’t hear him knocking until I finished eating the rest of his cheesecake. So weird.

All funny locked out quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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