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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Born to be a Jedi spinning a lightsaber, forced to work full-time and pay rent.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Unfortunately, I am the first person in my family to do what they want.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

My boss doesn’t want dogs in the office. But he didn’t say anything about alpacas.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Why does the dentist have to take an x-ray of my teeth? They right there, bro!

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Tuesday is no better than Monday.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

Running from your problems is cardio.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has downloaded:

If I could have dinner with anyone, living or dead, I’d pick living.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

So apparently it’s still a DUI even if you’re the birthday boy.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,487

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

That’s me in the corner eating Nutella with a spoon.

Going viral on Slack:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

A good relationship is when she is by your side during bad times to tell you that none of this would have happened if you had just listened to her.

Trending via Slack:

Why is it spelled “camouflage” and not “ “?

Making waves on Slack:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Festival is when you pay a fortune to live like a homeless person.

Just shared via Slack:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

Seen just now on TikTok:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Going bananas on Discord:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Funny Magic: The Gathering quotes

New funny Magic: The Gathering quotes 👇

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

4 weeks ago

80s, 80s film, appearance, charming, charming lead, classic, days, discord, Discord mod, film, gathering, group, guy, hair, having, i, lead, long hair, magic, Magic: The Gathering, mod, Navy, runs, scary

All funny Magic: The Gathering quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

39 shares on TikTok this month:

Would it kill the makers of avocados to put a different toy inside?

24 shares on Reddit this month:

It sure is strange that after Tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF.

26 shares on Slack this month:

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

14 shares on Discord this month:

Wanna know what the 90’s were like? Put your phone down and go outside.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Social media is a great way to make new enemies.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

10 shares on Discord this month:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

83 shares on WeChat this month:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

96 shares on Slack this month:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

As president, I will allow people to use the same password as before when changing their password.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Source??? Pattern recognition.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Always keep a dog eared book on your nightstand so that people think you know how to read.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has downloaded:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Seen just now on Messenger:

A foghorn but for people who can’t see through their own bullshit.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Welcome to your 50s. You used to be a lot taller.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

Going viral on TikTok:

Every day Facebook tells me I have memories and wants to show them to me. It’s like they have no appreciation for the cost or the amount of liquor I needed to erase them.

Just landed via Telegram:

No, I didn’t eat enough protein today, but I did think of you with enough intensity to generate new muscle tissue in my heart.

Making waves on Facebook:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Just shared via TikTok:

If I had my Pinterest wardrobe, I would be unstoppable.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Live now on Threads:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny Magic: The Gathering quotes

New funny Magic: The Gathering quotes 👇

Having long hair as a guy is so scary because some days I look like the charming lead of a classic film from the 80s, and other days I look like a Discord mod that runs his Magic: The Gathering group like the Navy.

All funny Magic: The Gathering quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨