Funny masher quotes

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

Milking stools only have three legs, because the cow has the udder.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Adulting is making a phone call, even though you don’t want to.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has copied:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.