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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

What, and I cannot stress this enough, day is it.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m not fragile like a flower. I’m fragile like a bomb.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Accordion to current studies, 90% of you did not realize that this sentence started with a musical instrument.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Can we skip to the rich part?

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Name a better duo than sad and depressed.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

It’s not the destination that matters. It’s the snacks you eat on the way.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Hike in groups. Bears like to have options.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

Updated

30 seconds ago

Users Online

3,451

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m scared to go to an art museum, because what if they decide to keep me?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

Just landed via WeChat:

I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The best proof that fairy tales are fictional is the fact that the prince is always an intelligent and handsome single man.

Just landed via Slack:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Seen just now on Telegram:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Just shared via Twitch:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,954

Funny Quotes Topics

14,758

Funny Quotes Images

11,954

Updated

30 seconds ago

Users Online

3,450

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

The kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were pretty dumb if they couldn’t figure out that their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

I used to party all night. Now I check the weather forecast for the next day to see if it’s a good laundry day.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I Knew Better, But I Did It Anyway: A Memoir

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I’ve left my past behind me, so if I owe you money, sorry, I’ve left it behind me.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

The cool thing about Twitter is you’re never the craziest one.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Did you ever stop to ask how Mercury feels about being in retrograde? No, because you only think about yourself.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Do you remember when you looked through binoculars upside down and everyone was really far away? That was nice.

Just landed via Threads:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Why trust atoms? Because they’ve never been caught fibbing, just fission.

Trending via LinkedIn:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

Just landed via Reddit:

My wheelchair keeps making a screaming noise when I run over people.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Our house is so messy that if we ever disappeared, the police would have no idea if there were “signs of a struggle”.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Squirrels get most of their energy from chewing on powerlines, that acorn thing is just for show.

Trending via Messenger:

I need a room full of mirrors, so I can be surrounded by losers.

Just landed via Twitch:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

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