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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Asking doctors about nutrition is like asking software engineers about printers, they really have no idea.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

Facing my uncle’s dreaded lightning bolt attack at the Thanksgiving dinner table.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

You can tell a lot about someone by the stuff you make up in your head about them.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Seems like it would be really tough being a girl named Molly at a rave.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

And once again my day begins without a red carpet! Guys, I’m really disappointed in you.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,281

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Americans saw water freeze at 0°C and said, “Let’s make that 32.”

Freshly posted on X:

Five out of six people find Russian Roulette to be a safe activity.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Due to inflation, you can now eat food that has been on the floor for up to 7.3 seconds.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

Spotted on Discord:

I don’t want to be dramatic, but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

If you keep the house dark, not only do you save on electricity, but it also looks cleaner.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

Going viral on Messenger:

Do I need to have seen the Tokyo Olympics in order to understand the Paris ones?

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Just landed via Facebook:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

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Social Media Stars ⭐

79 shares on Twitch this month:

I am not in a good place, geographically.

73 shares on Threads this month:

The longer I work in corporate, the more I realize… Micromanaging is just insecurity dressed up as leadership.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Yogurts should come in a five-pack, not a four-pack, or make the workweek four days.

38 shares on Threads this month:

So proud of my ancestors for crawling out of the sea and evolving lungs. Pretty disappointed in them ever since though.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

If you think I’m rude, you should hear the voices in my head.

84 shares on Slack this month:

My chakra went out for cigarettes.

61 shares on Pinterest this month:

My kids and I have this bit where I say something and they ignore me.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Yes, money alone does not make you happy. It has to be yours too.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is cool, but have you ever found an academic article that fits your research topic perfectly and supports all of your claims?

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Not to upset anyone, but Monday is waiting outside.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m looking for insults so intelligent you don’t realize you’ve been roasted until three thoughts later.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Wednesday is the part of the novel where the heroine stares out the window and questions everything.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,369

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Writing cover letters feels soooo “Ever since I was a little boy, I knew I wanted to be an administrative assistant when I grew up.”

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

“Unavailable” is my favorite state to be in.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Drive like no one is watching.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

I can see the appeal of golf, the only sport where the winner is the one who does the least.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

My age is news to me every single time I remember.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Honestly, I don’t think I have any more new passwords left in me. You wanna steal my identity? Go ahead, I hope you enjoy debt and terrible posture.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

“Male loneliness epidemic” and it’s just karma and the consequences of their actions.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

Stop blaming everyone for your problems. Pick one person you really hate and blame them for everything.

Shared recently on Slack:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

Trending via Twitch:

I was going to go for a run, then realized I could just run my mouth on here.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I did nothing wrong. I tried to do nothing and did it wrong.

Shared recently on Slack:

I would prefer not to.

Making waves on Facebook:

“There’s a reason religion tells you your reward is after death; it keeps you quiet while you’re being exploited alive.”

Trending via TikTok:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Just landed via Facebook:

Just rolled over for a cuddle.. forgot I’m single… fell off the bed.

Going viral on Threads:

Intelligence is now free, and the golden age of the nerd is over.

Breaking via Messenger:

I’m eating for two; me and the person I strive to be.

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