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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Spotify Wrapped isn’t enough, I want an Excel spreadsheet of my listening habits.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

The difference between a hippo and a zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter. Thank you and good night.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Everyone’s all up in arms about how undemocratic the electoral college is and yet we let our weather be decided by a single unelected groundhog.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Think that’s enough todaying for today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,402

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

The sweater is an item of clothing that a child has to wear when parents are cold.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Sorry I’m late, traffic is exactly how it’s been every day for the past couple years, and I was not expecting that.

Making waves on Facebook:

I remember sex. That was cool.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Spotted on Facebook:

An easy way to check if you’re attractive: send a “Hey” DM and see if they reply.

Going viral on WeChat:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Live now on X:

I like driving by myself. I just played the same song 36 times.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I can’t finish cleaning up my room because I get distracted by all of the cool stuff I find.

Going viral on YouTube:

My keys fell in the snow, and now they’re gone forever — time to start a new life under a new name in a warmer climate.

Funny publishing quotes

Funny publishing quotes 📚😂 bring a lighthearted twist to the chaotic world of books, deadlines, and endless edits! Whether you’re an author, editor, or just love the magic behind your favorite reads, these witty gems will have you chuckling through every page turn. Ready to laugh at the quirks of the publishing biz? Let’s dive into the hilarious side of storytelling and printing! 🎉✍️📖

New funny publishing quotes 👇

All funny publishing quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t worry, guys. Together we can eliminate logic and reason on social media. I see some of you are already ahead of the game. Way to go!

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

Rest here, weary doom-scroller, you’ve seen enough bullshit for one day.

20 shares on Reddit this month:

There’s nothing like the excitement of a brand-new book to add to the massive pile of books I still haven’t read.

47 shares on Twitch this month:

Just thinking how many animals we had to ride on before we realized horses were ok with it.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

‘Another bombshell has entered the villa!’ I say to myself as I walk in the front door of my own home.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

94 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

43 shares on Telegram this month:

I’d probably be a very chill werewolf, even during a full moon.

95 shares on Twitch this month:

Please take your Apple Watch off if you are wearing a dress or formal attire. You look like a spy kid.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? Here, but fatter.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Now that the nights are getting cooler again, spiders often hide in your bed in search of warmth. Sleep well!

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve got 50 minutes to make it look like I’ve been flossing for the last 6 months.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is my favorite story about how everyone treats you like shit until they need something from you.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, aged 20: This is internship summer. I will get an internship. I will find a job. I will study. I will read. I will learn piano. I will… Me, nowadays: This summer, I’m going to try all of the ice cream flavors.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,653

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

You are born, you lie about how you are and then you die.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

I found out my husband was cheating on me at a Linkin Park concert. We tried so hard and got so far, but in the end, it didn’t even matter.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

I always set two alarms, one for “Good Intentions Me” and one for “The Real Me”

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

“I’m asking Santa to bring some of you a sense of humor for Christmas.”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

I never thought I would say this, and it took me a while to come to terms, but I think I ate too much bacon.

Seen just now on Slack:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Just landed via Messenger:

Bro, you gotta try this high-protein Caesar salad, cold brew, air fryer, overnight oats recipe I found on Instagram.

Trending via Reddit:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m gonna start sending women unsolicited pizza pics.

Spotted on Slack:

Not to brag, but I skipped my mid-life crisis and went straight to cranky old man.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I’m not “dating to marry” or “dating for fun.” I’m dating for a secret third reason.

Going viral on Messenger:

Nothing is more awkward than trying to tell an online joke to offline people.

Going viral on TikTok:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Breaking via Discord:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

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