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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

True romantics have made peace with the possibility of lifelong solitude.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

All human behavior is performative, besides the crying of an infant.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has copied:

Normalise following up to an ignored email with “helllooooooo?”

Someone from 🇸🇬 has shared:

If I sing “Hello” and you think of “Lionel Richie” and not “Adele,” then you can probably predict the weather with one of your knees.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night.

Seen just now on Reddit:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Going viral on YouTube:

Some of you need to be visited by the ghost of ‘Quit emailing me so much before Christmas.’

Spotted on Messenger:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Trending via Telegram:

I don’t wanna brag, but I’ve been told I’m micro-management material.

Trending via X:

Dear music, thanks!

Breaking via Facebook:

Every time my neighbors start moaning, I pause my music to rate the performance.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Funny queen-size mattress quotes

New funny queen-size mattress quotes 👇

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

3 weeks ago

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All funny queen-size mattress quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

17 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

34 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Shaved my bush and went down a pants size.

98 shares on Slack this month:

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Women are so hot, I wish they were good people.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in a different realm.

35 shares on Reddit this month:

Being single is better than asking a man to act like a man.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

95 shares on X this month:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

What if your dog one day just randomly said “Nobody is going to believe you” and never spoke again.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

When the doorbell rings, I always go to the door with my jacket on. Depending on who it is, I either just want to leave or have just come home.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Forget being the bigger person, I’m going to just start barking at people.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry, I’m late. I was trying to convince a bathroom hand dryer that I exist.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Took a break from Twitter for my mental health, so I’d figure I’d come back to ruin it again.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

Caveman bartender: “This one’s on the cave.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

First date idea: you rescue me out of the tree I got stuck in while looking through your windows.

Trending via Instagram:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Trending via Facebook:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Breaking via Discord:

People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

Spotted on Discord:

If a baby comes out feet first, technically it wears its mom as a hat.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

I love when the restaurant bathroom has different music playing than the restaurant. It’s like I’m going to Club Pee Pee.

Shared recently on Instagram:

FOMO is a summer thing. Winter is all about FOGO (fear of going out).

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Funny queen-size mattress quotes

New funny queen-size mattress quotes 👇

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

All funny queen-size mattress quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨