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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

They should invent a body that doesn’t keep the score.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has viewed:

If I don’t text you saying Happy New Year, we still gang, I’m just lazy.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

It’s now socially acceptable again to clap when the plane lands.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Intro to salsa class was weird, I starved myself all day, there was no chips or dips and then these weirdos were all grabby and dancing around.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

When someone asks me why I’m in a wheelchair, I want to say something ridiculous like, “I’m not standing up until I’ve saved a million.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

832 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,994

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,994

Updated

3 hours ago

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Reported on Threads:

I was going to warn my kids about the repercussions of drugs and alcohol until I realized that they in fact were the repercussions of drugs and alcohol.

Just shared via WeChat:

It’s okay, wobbly chair, I’m unstable too.

Just landed via WeChat:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Reported on Slack:

Birthday sex is having sex to celebrate your parents having sex.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Printers are definitely the moody teenagers of the tech world.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

Just shared via Slack:

Current relationship status: sleeping diagonally across the bed.

Seen just now on Reddit:

There are people that make their bed every morning and people who think it’s a waste of time, and then they marry each other.

Trending via X:

I get it, credit cards, I’ve reached my limit too.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm sleep social someone technology time want work

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

832 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,994

Funny Quotes Topics

13,936

Funny Quotes Images

10,994

Updated

3 hours ago

Users Online

3,433

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Hey babe, wanna come over and fold me like a fitted sheet?

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

At the first signs of a sore throat, you should be given the option of just skipping four days into the future.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

I always thought orthopaedic shoes were overrated, but I stand corrected.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

What’s your favorite song about a white boy playing funky music?

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

Dudes be named Will but won’t.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Pilot is one of the few jobs where you can get fired for going above and beyond.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

Having a conversation with me is kind of like taking the scenic route.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Spotted on WeChat:

Actually, you’re having a conversation with yourself. I’m just here so you don’t appear totally insane.

Live now on Facebook:

I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Spotted on Reddit:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Making waves on Reddit:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Seen just now on Discord:

Adulthood means trying to convince yourself that the font is just too small and that it isn’t your eyesight going bad.

Seen just now on Slack:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Trending via YouTube:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Spotted on Threads:

Don’t tell me about Stockholm Syndrome, I woke up at 6 AM on my first day of vacation wondering how things were going at work.

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