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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

I only go for nature walks with people I can outrun.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Missionary, so I can look him in the eyes and ask him why Ashley from work is texting him with heart eyes.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

At the self-checkout, I make small talk with myself and I wish I would just shut up.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

The Princess and the Pea, except it’s a rogue hair on the inside of my shirt driving me crazy all day.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Freshly posted on Threads:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

You are allowed to be crazy as long as you are equally as hot.

Spotted on X:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Just landed via Facebook:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Just landed via Threads:

I don’t want to “act young”. I just can’t be as “grown up” as others my age.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Gonna start an app for cat sitters where they can review the cats they take care of and it’ll be called Litterboxd.

Trending via Pinterest:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Going bananas on WeChat:

If you see my account doing wild or out-of-character things, no worries. It’s not me, I routinely rent it out as an Airbnb.

23 Funny resolution quotes

More funny resolution quotes 👇

New year update: losing everything but weight.

1 month ago

change, everything, fitness, humor, losing, new, new year, resolution, update, weight, year
I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

1 month ago

confidence, humor, i, need, new, new year, perfect, resolution, self-esteem, year
The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

1 month ago

battle, battles, better, choreography, conflict, conflict resolution, dance, dance battle, gang, humor, nostalgia, resolution, settled, street, street gang, things, world

For even more funny resolution quotes, hit next 👇

All funny resolution quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The downside to getting in a hammock is having to get out of the hammock.

82 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Accepting you’re about to throw up, gotta be the worst feeling on God’s green earth.

88 shares on Slack this month:

Nobody talks about the privilege of having a friend who shows interest in your hyperfixations.

75 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why are conclusions necessary in essays? Were you not following?

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

40 shares on Instagram this month:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

54 shares on Slack this month:

Every time the universe sends me a sign, I’m like, okay, but I think I’ll wait for a signier sign.

50 shares on YouTube this month:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

49 shares on Slack this month:

While the optimist and pessimist argued about the glass of water, the opportunist drank it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Is there anyone here old enough to remember when typing was a class in high school?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

At what age do I delete Snapchat?

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Moms be like, “I needed this,” and it’s really just a break from being the one who holds it all together every single day.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Life is so funny because you think you look good today and a year later you look even better.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Nobody calls you old more than people 2 years younger than you.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

For Christmas, I’d like to be understood.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

When I die, I hope I’m remembered for my ability to take any bad situation and make it worse.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

I’m so single, even my husband won’t match with me on Tinder.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

“It’s swimsuit season” I say, eating another swimsuit.

Just shared via Reddit:

Dating now is basically choosing which red flag you’re willing to tolerate.

Trending via Telegram:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be getting stronger every day.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

If you have children, you can experience all human emotions before 9 a.m. on Sundays.

Just shared via Messenger:

It sucks that the reward for being responsible, is just a bunch of new responsibilities.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

23 Funny resolution quotes

More funny resolution quotes 👇

New year update: losing everything but weight.

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

The world was better off when street gangs settled things with choreographed dance battles.

All funny resolution quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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