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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

If I was ever told to “dress to impress”, my first thought would be to get the Batman suit out.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

If you want to make your mother proud, make her my mother-in-law.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

Is it still murder if they said, “Some other time,” but I thought they said smother time?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Just went to the Oreo website and hit “accept all cookies” … and now we wait.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Dogs have two jobs: calm their humans when they are stressed. Stress their humans when they are calm.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

My life advice is always the same. Wait for karma, but take up kickboxing, just in case.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

501 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,094

Funny Quotes Topics

17,246

Funny Quotes Images

15,094

Updated

Dec 22, 2025

Users Online

4,030

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Twitter is the black sheep of the web, always in the corner, loudly arguing with itself.

Trending via WhatsApp:

If I was the inventor of healing, I would have made it linear, I can tell you that much.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary? And on the Virgin Isles? Same thing – not one canary there either!

Spotted on TikTok:

Zombies only eat brains, so you are safe.

Going viral on Instagram:

Welcome to the internet, where people are confidently wrong all the time.

Seen just now on Threads:

I don’t flirt. I just say weird things and hope you interpret them romantically.

Making waves on Threads:

Since there is only one of me, does that make me limited edition?

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Just landed via Messenger:

They said I can never go back to that Vietnamese spot. They banh mi pho life.

Home » Funny Self-examination Quotes

Funny self-examination quotes

New funny self-examination quotes 👇

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

0

4 weeks ago

anxiety, bank, buyer, call, confirm, department, fraud, having, humor, little, moment, over, past, phone, phone call, purchase, self-examination, treat, truly

All funny self-examination quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

Growing up means choosing cozy couch moments over crowded club scenes. Cheers to adulting!

88 shares on Discord this month:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

28 shares on Facebook this month:

Only thing I hate more than a liar is a liar that thinks I’m stupid.

18 shares on Telegram this month:

The purpose of a meme is to disturb the humorless, and to humor the disturbed.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

30 shares on Discord this month:

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

72 shares on TikTok this month:

I just turned on my car’s seat warmer to keep my burrito warm in case you wondered what I was up to.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

One thing that could really “level-up” the experience of being a pedestrian would be if cars had some kind of feature that could indicate whether or not they were going to turn in a particular direction.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

Every Friday, I’m like, “This weekend I’m getting my life together,” and then… I don’t.

15 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You’re so productive for your wage.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Overthinkaholic!

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

lol is punctuation and LOL is laugh out loud.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Co-worker: You look so unapproachable. Me: Yet, here you are.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Mornings would be fine if they started later.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Comments other people make during a movie are annoying. Comments I make during a movie enhance the experience.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

A clever man fills his wife’s closet with so many clothes that no other man can fit in.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

“Grey’s Anatomy” but it’s told entirely through the lens of the hospital’s HR department.

Trending via Telegram:

I can’t believe Halloween was 10 pounds ago.

Spotted on Telegram:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

Going viral on Facebook:

Why do we call it tuna fish? Is there any other tuna out there that’s not a fish?

Going bananas on TikTok:

I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

Making waves on YouTube:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Wordgag 🎅

Activity Log ✨

Funny self-examination quotes

New funny self-examination quotes 👇

Having to confirm your past purchases over the phone with your bank’s fraud department is a truly harrowing moment of self-examination for chronic little treat buyers.

All funny self-examination quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨