Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I be like “communication is the key” then put my phone on do not disturb.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

Bisexual just means that I wear perfume with my men’s deodorant.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I crashed my bike in 1989 and hurt my knee real bad. We didn’t have social media back then so I’m telling you guys now.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

It’s scary when an attractive person is attracted to you, omg.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Being held for questioning sounds more romantic than it is.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,332

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Seen just now on Slack:

Hug your children as often as you can. They can’t break things during this time.

Making waves on TikTok:

Sorry that I cannot come out drinking with you tonight, as I will be drinking at home. Alone. By myself.

Just shared via TikTok:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

Breaking via Threads:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

Just landed via Reddit:

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

Going viral on Twitch:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Spreading quickly via X:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

My favorite part of Spring is its rolls.

Funny sex shop quotes

New funny sex shop quotes 👇

All funny sex shop quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on X this month:

I can’t stand when people need constant validation online. Like, comment, and share if you agree.

60 shares on X this month:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

11 shares on Facebook this month:

There is a giant spider on my dash so I’m going to have to buy a new car now.

48 shares on Instagram this month:

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

Using my one phone call to call Santa.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

76 shares on Discord this month:

Boxes of pasta don’t need a plastic window. I believe pasta is in the box.

66 shares on TikTok this month:

Have kids so you can fully appreciate how well your dog listens.

46 shares on X this month:

I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

After a month away and enough pasta to scare an Italian grandma, I can confirm: too much Parmesan? Never heard of her.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular Opinion: Die Hard is a Harry Potter movie. He sneaks around a tower at night avoiding Alan Rickman.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s cold and dark outside, made me think of you.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning to everyone except those who need approval from strangers on the internet.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Milk teeth are wasted on children. A new set of teeth would be a lot more useful when you’re older.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Sundays are no place for pants or responsibility.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I personally get offended when rain is referred to as “bad weather.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,315

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

I tried meowing back at the cat to show him I was making an effort, but he just switched to English.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Yes, officer I saw the speed limit, I just didn’t see your car.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

The sexual tension between me and buying more books.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Breaking via Telegram:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Trending via Telegram:

Discovered a new coping mechanism called lashing out and making your loved ones resent you.

Just shared via Messenger:

Thanks to rice cakes, I still can’t imagine nothingness, but now I know what it tastes like.

Broadcasted on X:

If you ever get a chance to date a cute person for one day, where will you take me?

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Seen just now on YouTube:

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I just want everyone to know that somebody cares. Not me, but somebody does.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Broadcasted on Slack:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

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