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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I’m always looking for new and exciting ways to give up.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

“Be the bigger person” sounds too much like “accept the disrespect”.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has downloaded:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

They say you should dress for the job you want then send you home as “the stormtrooper suit is not appropriate work attire”.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

I miss when bills had nothing to do with me.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I love Queen and David Bowie, but why did they steal that riff from Vanilla Ice?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,358

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

In a turn of unexpected events, I need to learn karate by tomorrow morning.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Trending via Instagram:

The nerve of a majority of people I meet being younger than me. How dare them?

Making waves on Twitch:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Going viral on Slack:

My plant is drunk, it’s growing in the wrong direction.

Trending via Telegram:

I hear the responses my young siblings give my mom, and I’m speechless; they don’t know the commando she was in her prime.

Trending via X:

We should start referring to age as “levels.” So when you’re level 80, it sounds a lot cooler than just being an older person.

Just landed via TikTok:

Have we checked all food to see if exploding it makes it into something better or did we just stop with corn?

Making waves on Reddit:

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don’t even know where I am right now.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I can relate to the stock market because I am always about to crash at a moment’s notice.

Funny spit quotes

Funny spit quotes 💦😂 bring a splash of humor to everyday moments when life gets a little messy! Whether it’s playful banter or unexpected mishaps, these witty lines will have you laughing out loud 🤣. Ready to add some cheeky fun to your feed? Get ready for a drool-worthy collection that’s sure to brighten your day and keep the giggles coming! 😜✨

New funny spit quotes 👇

All funny spit quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

43 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t want kids, but I do want grandkids. Hoping science finds a way.

33 shares on Facebook this month:

Things I hate about group work: The group.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

11 shares on Reddit this month:

ALF is what happens when you are high on drugs in the 80s.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

I signed up to the gym a few months ago and still don’t see any results. I’ll go by there this weekend and ask what’s going on.

42 shares on Snapchat this month:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

95 shares on Telegram this month:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

My biggest sexual fantasy is someone throwing a million dollars on my naked body and then leaving me alone.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Why read the room when you can leave the room?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The elder Zoomer speaks of the Wii with reverence.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Being friends with introverts is hard sometimes. Did they die? Are they just recharging? Are they Batman now? The suspense is killing me.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood is about being able to eat cookies for breakfast, but not doing it because you already ate all the cookies.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve been alive my whole life, and not once have I seen a commercial for Chinese food.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Best lie you heard was eat all your food so you can be big and strong. Now look at you. Just big.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,429

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

My favorite thing to do when I see people I know in public is to pretend I didn’t.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

I didn’t forget about you; my algorithm did.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

I often message people with the weird idea that they’ll message me back.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on TikTok:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Going bananas on X:

If someone wants to spend time with you, they’ll let you know. Get rid of those people.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Spotted on WeChat:

So single the neighborhood cats make ME dinner.

Spotted on Messenger:

Oh, how much I love a Sunday when you don’t have to work the next day.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m never early… unless we’re talking about the airport.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Gonna finish eating all these Christmas cookies so I’m no longer tempted to eat them.

Freshly posted on X:

“Dairy Queen” is actually the perfect drag name.

Making waves on Telegram:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

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