Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

It really cannot be overstated how many of your problems disappear once you have a beautiful woman who is in love with you.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t know how to mop my kitchen floor without pretending l’m cleaning up a gruesome crime scene.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

They can steal your recipe, but the sauce won’t taste the same.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

That’s me in the corner, that’s me using Microsoft Word, losing my revision.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Sweet, but twisted. Does that make me a candy cane?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,485

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

We have now entered the void (25th December to 31st December).

Freshly posted on Slack:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

Trending via Slack:

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Ignored the small door that appeared in my apartment three days ago, and now it’s gone. That’s how it’s done.

Going viral on Threads:

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I should’ve been a crow. They get to fly around looking goth as hell and seeking retribution. Instead, I have to go to an office and work on my ‘people skills.’

Shared recently on YouTube:

The more I practice, the luckier I get.

Breaking via Instagram:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

Going viral on X:

Ever been in the car with someone who drives so fast that you press your imaginary brakes on the passenger side?

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Funny sprinter quotes

New funny sprinter quotes 👇

All funny sprinter quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Slack this month:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

42 shares on X this month:

Maybe making another financially irresponsible decision will fix me.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

34 shares on Messenger this month:

I say “long story short” and then tell the story with bonus features.

93 shares on Discord this month:

Women don’t pretend anymore to dig for something in their purse and then pull out their middle finger.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

Caught my husband staring at me again. He’s probably weighing his pros and cons.

98 shares on TikTok this month:

I was disappointed to learn today that my request for a sabbatical was rejected. Apparently that’s “not how marriage works.”

12 shares on WeChat this month:

Started from the bottom, now we a little bit above the bottom.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You’re not a knight in shining armor, you’re just a knob in Under Armour.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you accept a knighthood, you should have to participate in at least one jousting tournament a year. The tournaments should be televised.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m going to need to rewatch Idiocracy to see what happens next.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

If you wake up early enough, you can go back to sleep for a few hours. Not everyone knows this.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Trying to explain that I’m fascinated by Japan for wood joinery reasons and not nerd or pervert reasons.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

No we can’t hangout, you’ll end up falling in love with me and I don’t have time for that.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Did you know that it’s actually possible to say, “I don’t know enough about this to have an opinion”?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,568

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Much like a candle, I was tall when I was young, but I get shorter as I grow old.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Naps hit different when you’re using them to avoid being alive.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

It’s crazy how drinking poison makes you feel like shit the next day.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I just come here for the free life advice and inspirational quotes from people who’s lives are complete train wrecks.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Some people identify as funnier than they actually are.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Traffic is the fault of the guy immediately in front of you.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

$20k in my bank account. – The k is silent.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I have so much to offer. It’s all bad, but still.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Nothing humbles you faster than your phone slipping out of your hand and hitting your face.

Seen just now on Slack:

“Overdressed” is a social construct created by hating girls.

Making waves on Twitch:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I hope we get the nice AI that enslaves us and makes us their pets and not the bad AI that enslaves us to mine lithium or something.

Trending via Discord:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Spotted on Snapchat:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Trending via WeChat:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Not being filthy rich is continuing to be a huge inconvenience for me.

Trending via WhatsApp:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

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