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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Don’t talk to me unless you are a ham sandwich.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Finally, we’re living through precedented times.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Whoever first said, “I’m in a pickle,” must have had the weirdest day.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

Am I the only one who wonders why the Flintstones celebrate Christmas?

Someone from 🇸🇲 has shared:

I feel like a wildlife photographer when I spend hours trying to capture my teenager’s smile.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Sparkling water tastes like that feeling when your foot falls asleep.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

I’m going to start reading books again, as soon as I finish the internet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,306

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Spotted on YouTube:

I only attract psychopaths. If you’ve ever had a crush on me, find a therapist.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Just landed via Twitch:

People just don’t stop, collaborate, and listen like they used to.

Trending via Reddit:

How do I get someone to unknow me? I no longer want to be known by these people.

Just shared via Slack:

So many true crime podcasts are just like “a young woman went missing, the police took a week to respond, she was last seen with a man the community call Creepy Steve, he has never been questioned”

Shared recently on Discord:

I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

Seen just now on YouTube:

That one person who has zero concept of what an indoor voice is.

Breaking via WeChat:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Live now on Messenger:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Funny squandering quotes

New funny squandering quotes 👇

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

4 days ago

advice, am, humor, i, life, little, motivation, procrastination, sarcasm, something, squandering, thing

All funny squandering quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Who’s going to run in movies when Tom Cruise retires?

62 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

39 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

40 shares on WhatsApp this month:

You don’t scare me. You’re not those two minutes when I can’t find my wallet.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

60 shares on TikTok this month:

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

13 shares on Discord this month:

I am writing a book about reverse psychology. Please don’t buy it.

52 shares on X this month:

I lost my composure in 1992. I haven’t seen it since.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has downloaded:

I only look up to people that are taller than me and really that’s about the extent of it.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

I think the worst part about the collapse of civilization will be all those people with no way to remove their braces.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

You better be kissing the screen when I send pics.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I really thought impromptu dance-offs were going to be more common.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Someone from 🇸🇿 has copied:

What career is most compatible with the unemployed lifestyle?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has viewed:

Calm down, engine light, if I can run on broken parts, so can you.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

Just landed via WeChat:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Going viral on Twitch:

Heartbreaking: Introvert sentenced to 100 hours of hanging out.

Going viral on Pinterest:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Freshly posted on Slack:

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

Seen just now on Facebook:

Ping me if your boobs glow in the dark.

Going viral on Telegram:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Breaking via Slack:

I am not in a good place, geographically.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

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Activity Log ✨

Funny squandering quotes

New funny squandering quotes 👇

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

All funny squandering quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨