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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

I’d be really slim if it wasn’t for birthdays, anniversaries, Easter, Christmas, Mother’s Day, weekends and me.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

Sorry I was late, I was disassociating in the shower.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I used to really want to be understood. Now I mainly just want things like snacks and juice.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

I’m like … if parking too far away from the curb was a person.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Moving is legitimately one of the worst human experiences.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so society can recalibrate.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has bookmarked:

Perfume is designed to be an invisible accessory. It’s not designed to instantly kill the canary when you entered the room.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

Stretching isn’t enough. I need to be able to disassemble my body like Legos.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on X:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I’m shocked it offended you, I was certain someone was gonna need to explain it to you.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Good morning to everyone who still believes what they see with their own two eyes.

Making waves on Slack:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Breaking via Discord:

Muting morons is good for your health.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Anti-capitalism is just code for “I don’t know how anything works.”

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Maybe if we paid our streaming services even more, they could stop jacking up the volume on the commercials they make us watch, even though we are paying for the service.

Funny The Weeknd quotes

Funny The Weeknd quotes are the perfect mix of wit and charm to brighten your day 🎤😄 Whether you’re a die-hard fan or just love a good laugh, his unexpected humor never fails to surprise 🎶✨ Get ready to smile, share, and maybe even sing along as we dive into some of his most hilarious moments! 😂🔥

New funny The Weeknd quotes 👇

All funny The Weeknd quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

65 shares on WeChat this month:

I used an air fryer for the first time tonight, and I feel like I just discovered fire.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

52 shares on Snapchat this month:

Not working on myself because I make better content this way.

15 shares on Discord this month:

Unfollowing girls on Instagram as soon as they get a boyfriend is something I’ll never stop doing.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t get enough credit for acting far less crazy than I actually am.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Explaining myself is too much work. Please just judge me.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s not that deep.” Of course it’s not. With a shallow mind like yours, nothing ever is.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

My extravagant lifestyle of paying for housing and buying groceries is really getting in the way of my ability to save money.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I’d love to learn your family card game. I’m sure it won’t be excruciating at all.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t you hate it when you offer help and the other person says yes?

25 folks are currently checking 👀

James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,245

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Expiration date? More like spoiler alert.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Cowboy outfits should be called ranch dressing.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Al guys are like, “We can’t use it to cure cancer, but we can suck all the joy and purpose out of life so that dying isn’t sad.”

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Having a car is crazy cause you gotta take it to the car doctor.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Ladies, don’t date hungry guys. They’re just trying to get into your pantries.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Used dark mode so much that I became physically repulsed when I see a white screen.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

Spotted on Threads:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Going bananas on Slack:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

Trending via Discord:

Losing and then immediately gaining weight is my superpower.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Weekends are getting shorter and shorter. You blink and it’s already Sunday 5pm.

Freshly posted on Discord:

My husband pissed me off so I wrapped his remote and put it under the tree.

Just landed via Messenger:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

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