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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Not to brag, but no one has ever accused me of trying too hard.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

Satan: “I’d tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and don’t wanna see you everyday.”

Someone from 🇷🇺 has viewed:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

In university, you can literally tell who had no freedom at home.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Fact: cats sit on your lap to dominate you.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

None of this matters and we are all going to die. Have a great weekend!

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Choosing to ignore my strangely symbolic dream because I have a lot going on right now already.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

241 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,510

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,510

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,554

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on YouTube:

I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

Trending via Snapchat:

If you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. But if you teach a man to fish, you’ll get the house to yourself on Saturdays.

Spotted on Discord:

*Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

Making waves on Messenger:

My ability to remember song lyrics from the ’90s far exceeds my ability to remember why I walked into the garage.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Going bananas on Slack:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Trending via Facebook:

Not to brag, but I just stood up without making a sound. Don’t be jealous.

Spotted on Slack:

At the plastic surgeon: Please, Doc, help me. My Barbie doll has appendicitis.

Seen just now on WeChat:

This cop is parked illegally behind me with his lights on. I’m going to say something.

Making waves on Facebook:

Are you a software update, because not now!

Funny trading quotes

New funny trading quotes 👇

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

0

2 months ago

bank, biology, biology humor, existence, finance, finance humor, high-frequency, high-frequency trading, humor, joke, market, sperm, sperm bank, sperm market, trading, wordplay

Someone from 🇲🇾 has recently copied this quote.

53 shares on Slack this month.

All funny trading quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

30 shares on YouTube this month:

For Christmas, I’d like to figure it all out.

24 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes the universe puts you in the same situations again to see if you’re still an idiot.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

Women don’t apologize. They sleep naked and let you decide whether you are still angry or not.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

38 shares on Slack this month:

Actually, this email could’ve been a meeting. We could’ve spent an hour on the clock talking shit and gossiping. Someone could’ve brought bagels.

60 shares on YouTube this month:

Everyone’s a gangster until the grocery store switches their aisles around.

23 shares on YouTube this month:

I might look like I have my life together, but that’s only because the mess is out of the camera frame.

35 shares on Discord this month:

Fitness influencer: It’s important to listen to your body. Body: You’re old. And you want lasagna.

54 shares on Pinterest this month:

All these microplastics in me could at least do some repair work to my knees and back while they’re in there.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

I appreciate the sun for always moving in the sky in a predictable way but I also respect the moon for just kind of doing whatever.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

A big F*** YOU to people driving small cars and pulling deep into parking spaces so I think I have a spot until the last second.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

It’s messed up that there are a million songs about love, but zero about hopping on a quick call with key stakeholders.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

My phone and it’s charger are in a situationship and sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Meow means woof in cat.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

Spotted on YouTube:

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Spotted on Snapchat:

My children are very helpful. For example, when I ask them to do something, they suggest a different child that could do it instead.

Just landed via TikTok:

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

Spotted on WeChat:

“I made this with AI.” Yeah, we can tell.

Breaking via Facebook:

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

Shared recently on Slack:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

Shared recently on YouTube:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Going viral on Messenger:

Sat at a stop sign waiting for it to turn green, if you’re wondering how I’m doing today.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny trading quotes

New funny trading quotes 👇

A sperm bank implies the existence of sperm markets, which further implies the existence of high-frequency sperm trading.

All funny trading quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨