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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

If they treat you like an option, leave them like a choice, and make your exit as dramatic as a Netflix season finale.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Being abducted by aliens could be just the vacation I need right now.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t the same bill I couldn’t afford to pay in a different color.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Having now listened to the entire song, I have to say there’s some obvious internal disagreement as to what the Hokey Pokey is all about.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has viewed:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Even my imaginary friend got bored and left me a note saying ‘we should see other people’

Someone from 🇳🇪 has viewed:

I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Nicole Kidman being in a film called Babygirl is actually perfect cause it’s like another version of her last name.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

My love language is being sent money.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

43 minutes ago

Users Online

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Oh, I have Christmas spirit. The question is: Do I mix it with coke or do I drink it neat?

Freshly posted on X:

My new pajamas have no pockets. I don’t want to hear your problems.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Just saw a piece of jewelry made in the 80s described as “vintage,” so I’ll be laying down the rest of the day.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Why is judge the only job where you can bang a little hammer to make people shut up? I’ve needed that in literally every job I’ve had.

Spotted on TikTok:

You will be having the worst morning of your life and then someone will start mowing their lawn.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m seriously considering adoption. Who wants me?

Just landed via Facebook:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Shared recently on WeChat:

My sex face is the same as my first pee in three hours face.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

769 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,931

Funny Quotes Topics

13,902

Funny Quotes Images

10,931

Updated

43 minutes ago

Users Online

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

If dogs ever learn to talk, I want everyone to keep in mind that mine is a big fat liar.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

The worst part about re-watching Home Alone is you just know Kevin’s parents bought this house for like $250K.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

If you’re feeling lonely, start a small business. Then you’ll have a little company.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

This year for Thanksgiving, I’ll probably bring what I brought last year… shame upon the family.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

I put the mess in domestic.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Bugs Bunny taught me that my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight, I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I wasn’t sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and shit myself.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

The person opposite me has a donut. I do not have a donut. That should be my donut. This person is now my arch nemesis.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Going viral on WeChat:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Breaking via Pinterest:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Just shared via WeChat:

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our dachshund is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

Live now on Reddit:

To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

Just shared via Messenger:

It’s funny how our brains remember that we have forgotten something, but not what we have forgotten.

Spotted on Slack:

I don’t need your flipping advice, I am capable of ruining my life on my own.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

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