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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

I love how unforgiving soy sauce is. Cause you know immediately when you did too much with her.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

“It’s all in your head!” Correct! Unfortunately, I am also in there.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

I knew school was a scam when my business teacher didn’t own a business, and my PE teacher was fat.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

That’s not fat. It’s bonus content.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,723

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Seen just now on Discord:

I was so excited thinking tomorrow was Friday only to find out it is definitely not Friday.

Just landed via YouTube:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Spotted on Messenger:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched your unread books.

Funny Whole Foods quotes

New funny Whole Foods quotes 👇

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

4 weeks ago

budget, financial, foods, girl, grocery, humor, just, lifestyle, shopping, Walmart, whole, Whole Foods
When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

1 month ago

age, amazing, bangers, foods, funny observation, generation, i, kid, lame, middle, middle age, morning, music, nostalgia, observation, people, played, supermarket, whole, Whole Foods, youth

All funny Whole Foods quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

Dear brain, please finally learn the difference between hunger and boredom. I’m getting fat.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

26 shares on Telegram this month:

Going to therapy is like having someone walk around your brain and going “ohhhh, this is how you’re living?!”

12 shares on Discord this month:

Me to alien: I, too, try to live among people undetected.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Establish dominance by asking your dentist if he’s flossing everyday.

86 shares on Discord this month:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

39 shares on Twitch this month:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could donate your own body fat to those who need it more urgently?

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

I wonder how biology explains that pain in your chest you get when you found out your partner cheated on you.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

This gratitude journal looks a lot like a grocery list.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Being depressed is so embarrassing. It’s like, look at me, guys. I have nothing positive to say, and I make everything miserable.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Another Monday that no one asked for.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Chugging a woman’s entire drink at the bar and then saying “you’re safe, there is nothing in your drink.”

Just landed via Instagram:

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Going viral on Snapchat:

My boyfriend is mad at me because I keep replying with a fire extinguisher emoji to every girl that comments with a flame emoji on his pictures.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Karma not moving fast enough for me. I would hate to handle it myself, Lord.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

Trending via TikTok:

It’s the perfect time of year to focus on my indoor hobbies, like lying down in a dark room and feeling insane.

Live now on Twitch:

If you think voting is pointless wait until you hear about writing posts here.

Going viral on TikTok:

My family was too poor for a gene pool, so we soaked our genes in rye whiskey.

Shared recently on Slack:

Unfair that the older I get, the clearer photo quality gets.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny Whole Foods quotes

New funny Whole Foods quotes 👇

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

When I was a kid, they played lame music for middle-aged people in the supermarket, but this morning at Whole Foods, it’s now all amazing bangers from my youth.

All funny Whole Foods quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨