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Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

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Me summer vacation planning: Iโ€™m going to Europe. Bank account: Youโ€™re going camping.

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If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

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The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

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I’d never pick the lesser of two evils because that means they’re not even good at being evil either.

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I donโ€™t post for money or fame, I post because thereโ€™s something seriously wrong with me.

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In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

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Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesnโ€™t even get to be in one.

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My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

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My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

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Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Getting older is realizing how great doing nothing is.

Commentary:
Ah, the joys of appreciating the art of doing nothing as we age, like a fine wine maturing in a barrel! ๐Ÿท Embracing the relaxation game like a seasoned pro. ๐Ÿ›‹๏ธ๐Ÿ’ซ Who knew that achieving absolute bliss could be as simple as lounging around in our golden years? ๐ŸŒŸ #DoingNothingGoals



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