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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

It was all revealed to me in a delusion.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Sex makes you happy. So I understand your dissatisfaction.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has downloaded:

My swear jar is having a very profitable week.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

The problem with parental controls is I need my kid to help me figure out how to set them up.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,517

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Have your guardian angel call my guardian angel.

Shared recently on X:

If you’re sleep-deprived and type the symptoms into Google, you’re as good as dead.

Live now on Discord:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Just landed via Twitch:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

Trending via Discord:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Just shared via Discord:

I like how people say “travel safely” like I’m the one flying the plane.

Just shared via Threads:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Just shared via YouTube:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text humorously suggesting ghosting is a respectful cultural gesture.

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Commentary:
Respecting people so much, I accidentally founded the Ghost Olympics 👻🏆 #CulturalTradition

actually, communication, culture, dating, ghosting, great, humor, respect, sign

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22 shares on TikTok this month:

Your secret is safe with me and my sister.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

56 shares on X this month:

Time to put the stressful screen away (phone) and switch to the comfort screen (Kindle).

63 shares on Discord this month:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

13 shares on Threads this month:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

If my wife and I got divorced and moved to separate states, I’m convinced I would still hear her chewing.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

Today sucked so bad, I had to stop by the liquor store on my way to the bar.

81 shares on Threads this month:

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

46 shares on Threads this month:

I need a break from me.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t mean to brag, but I can forget what I’m saying while I’m saying it.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

I love beating a dead horse with the girls. There is nothing better than a Saturday night rehashing, and never letting that horse rest in peace.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

Sorry for texting back instantly. My phone is in my hand, I’m mature, and I like you.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

No, thanks—social drama. Puberty sucked enough the first time around.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Discord:

The cost of living has gotten so high, I’m thinking about having a nap for dinner.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Those guys holding fish in their dating profile pictures are just demonstrating how they’ll carry you over the threshold after marriage.

Just landed via Reddit:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I’ve skipped midlife crisis and gone straight to birdwatching.

Freshly posted on X:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

Spotted on Threads:

Calling women “bro” to make sure they know they’re in the deepest trenches of the friend zone.

Spotted on TikTok:

I purposely overcook my holiday turkeys so I don’t have to hear anyone at the table say, “moist.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Ghosting is actually a sign of great respect in my culture.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Boy, did The Shining nail what it’s like being an only child.

If you don’t like sports, you are missing a whole world of easy-going conversations with complete strangers.

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

Applied for an internship to gain experience and got rejected because I didn’t have relevant experience.

The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨