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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

My grandad fought Germans on the beaches of Normandy. This was last summer and it was very embarrassing.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Manipulative people really be like “oh, so now I’m the bad guy for being the bad guy?”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Once you find humor in any situation, you have nothing to fear.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

The greatest allies fascism and genocide have are the people who say, “I don’t follow the news, it’s too depressing.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has downloaded:

Good morning, townsfolk. I’m here to slay the monsters.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I heard time is money, so I quit my job. Now I have lots of time!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,658

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

Just shared via Threads:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Shared recently on Twitch:

It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

Going viral on WeChat:

You gotta ask people nowadays, are you single single, mad at your partner single, blocked single or single just in your head.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Just shared via Twitch:

Super excited about a brand new week of self-sabotage.

Just shared via Messenger:

Spotify Wrapped? Next year, maybe you should try to be in the top .05% of listeners to your girlfriend.

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like I’ve finally found my calling in life as the ultimate medium ugly enthusiast; now I just need to work on my wardrobe! 😂👖😎

admit, appearance, attraction, dating, dress, dude, fashion, fine, Funny, girl, girls, humor, medium, nice, style, super, ugly

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

0

2 months ago

advice, anger, else, humor, keep, nobody, patience, temper, wants
Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

0

1 month ago

advice, authenticity, even, humor, liked, liking, people, pressure, self-acceptance, social, social pressure, stop, trying
Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

0

2 months ago

celebration, comment, event, funny comment, holiday, humor, okay, public, public holiday, sports, sports event, wild, Wrestlemania
Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

0

2 months ago

comedy, dating, humor, order, relationship, restraining, restraining order, robot, sex, sex robot, status, technology
Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

0

2 months ago

consequences, dark, dark humor, everyone, expectation, happiness, happy, humor, irony, push, stairs
Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

0

2 months ago

every, flannel, flask, gift, gift guide, guide, hold, humor, knife, men, satire, whiskey

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on TikTok this month:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

58 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have no desire to work now. I had five days off in a row where I dined at a feast and was entertained at a cinema. I have flown too high to return to a laptop.

15 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t understand the phrase “You can’t have your cake and eat it” because if I have cake, what the hell else am I supposed to do with it.

67 shares on Twitch this month:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

16 shares on WhatsApp this month:

There are more bots on here than in Star Wars.

32 shares on Slack this month:

Is there really anything worse than being forced to watch a video on someone else’s phone and having to pretend to laugh for 2 minutes?

42 shares on Pinterest this month:

I feel like a credit card, cause I’m constantly being used irresponsibly.

91 shares on Facebook this month:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, if you could take some stuffing out of the midsection and give it a little forehead kiss, that would be great.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I used to mix Mountain Dew with the cheapest vodka I could find, and I called it the Blood of Mannaroth because it’s green and turns you into an orc.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

I will marry a man who treats me delicately as if I’m a gift straight from heaven.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, but the very next day, Guantanamo Bay.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

I love wearing sunglasses. Am I looking at your face? Am I looking at your ass? No one knows.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Dogs naturally form packs, and if left undisturbed, will teach themselves how to play poker.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

Thanksgiving is just me trying to look cute while holding a fork like a medieval warrior.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Anxiety should have a loyalty rewards program.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

If you’re too open-minded, your brains will fall out.

Breaking via Instagram:

Out of sheer boredom, I opened the front door and rang the doorbell. I was so happy.

Just shared via Facebook:

I bring a very “are you going to eat your pickle” vibe to lunch meetings.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If I were a category, I’d be “miscellaneous.”

Breaking via YouTube:

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

Seen just now on Discord:

Kinda lame that pretending everything is fine isn’t working.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Any room can be a panic room if you just give me a second.

Going bananas on Threads:

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Keep your temper. Nobody else wants it.

Stop trying to be liked by everybody. You don’t even like everybody.

Wild how we don’t get a public holiday for Wrestlemania, but okay.

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

Everyone says “Do what makes you happy”, until you push them down the stairs.

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨