Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats.

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The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

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People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

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Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

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Life would be so much easier if you could push a button that makes dickheads fall through a trap door in the floor.

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I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

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Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

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Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.