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Don’t be afraid to ask questions during a job interview. It’s the best way to find out if the person you’re interviewing is a good candidate for the job.

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I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

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Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

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Remember when movies felt real, and foreheads could wrinkle.

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69 but we both just farting.

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It’s Monday again and I’m about to make it everyone’s problem.

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What do you call it when everything pisses you off but you’re good at not murdering people?

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Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

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If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

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Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.