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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Congrats on hitting your Q3 numbers. Here’s an even bigger Q4 number that you’ll be fired for missing.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

Signed an Executive Order that you have to give me a little forehead kiss.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

Some days you’re the quick brown fox and other days you’re the lazy dog.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Wiping my hands on my pants before I’m shaking someone’s hand, so they spend the rest of the day wondering what I just touched.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,702

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

My favorite part of adulting is borrowing money from myself and paying myself back.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Wake me up when I’m rich!

Just shared via Messenger:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

Seen just now on X:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Just shared via WeChat:

The art of letting whoever think whatever.

Going viral on Telegram:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I got so lost there for a minute (several years).

Going viral on Reddit:

She didn’t leave you on read, bro. You left her on speechless.

Making waves on Twitch:

“The Nightmare Before Christmas” just means, January 1st – December 24th.

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Independent cleaning service: Motivated by the sheer joy of procrastination! 🧹😅🙃"

clean, everyday, everyday struggle, house, housework, humor, i, laziness, laziness humor, lazy, me, motivation, motivation paradox, paradox, procrastination, someone, struggle, want, whole

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

0

2 months ago

across, activity, creative, creative activity, decorated, decorated house, decoration, enjoy, fun, handiwork, holiday, holiday spirit, home, home decoration, house, i, neighborly, neighborly fun, spirit, street, view, window, window view
The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

0

5 months ago

brushing, brushing teeth, confidence, ever, falls, hottest, humor, i, moment, much, personal, personal moment, self, self-confidence, situation, teeth, tree, tree falls in the woods, underwear, woods
You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

0

2 months ago

empty, food, full, humor, just, life, live, nourishment, stomach
I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

0

2 months ago

computer, connection, history, i, internet, noise, nostalgia, remember, screaming, should, technology, used, warning
You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

0

3 months ago

90s, attraction, culture, dating, girl, humor, identity, lot, most, music, nostalgia, personality, pop, pop culture, relationship, someone, spice, Spice Girl, tell
Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

0

2 months ago

exhaustion, humor, i, longing, miss, relationship, rest, sleep, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Instagram this month:

Girls Just Want To Have Naan

17 shares on Reddit this month:

Kinda messed up that the government knows my birthday but never sends me a gift or anything.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

87 shares on Instagram this month:

Ever since I learned the show is called Suits because of lawsuits and not because they wear suits, I have harbored a hot white rage within me beyond anything mankind has ever known.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

I think it broke my boyfriend’s heart when I said he couldn’t have Salma Hayek for Valentine’s Day.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

Relationships are only serious when photos are posted by a man.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

Reading Shakespeare for the first time is crazy because you go, “Oh, that’s where that comes from,” every other page.

69 shares on Discord this month:

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

94 shares on Pinterest this month:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

My ducks may not be in a row, but at least they’re having fun. Your ducks probably hate you for making them line up like that.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

Wearing expensive perfume to work feels like such a waste. This should be under someone’s full body weight, not in a corporate setting.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

I secretly want you to say no when I offer you some of my cake.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Kids should get the last name of whichever parent has more followers.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

No matter how old you are, when the kitchen roll is empty, you have a telescope.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Relationship status: you’d think something called a Roomba would be a better dancer.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Boyfriends come and go… reply guys stay forever. Against your will, even.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Messenger:

Driving between speed cameras is called intermittent fasting.

Just landed via Slack:

One downside of marrying a doctor is you have to give up eating apples.

Seen just now on X:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Shared recently on Threads:

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Going viral on Threads:

Let’s drink some whiskey and say too much.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

Going bananas on Discord:

There should be 1 day a month without commercials.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I believe the IRS is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Seen just now on Messenger:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I can clean the whole house if I want to, but if someone asks me to do it, suddenly I’m lazy.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Decorated the house across the street so I can look out the window and enjoy my handiwork.

The hottest I ever look is when I’m brushing my teeth in my underwear, but it’s very much a ‘tree falls in the woods’ situation.

You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

I remember when a computer didn’t automatically connect to the internet, it used to make a screaming noise. We should have listened.

You can tell a lot about someone based on which Spice Girl they were most attracted to.

Dear 8 hours of sleep, I miss you so much.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨