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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has bookmarked:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

If hot showers aren’t good for you then why do I emerge from them bright red like a beautiful ruby?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

I don’t understand construction. Like, how do they know what to do next?

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Saying “sounds good to me” in a meeting then quickly realizing a lot more was expected from you.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

Not to brag, but I just walked upstairs and remembered why.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,532

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Telegram:

Grateful for independence mostly because British food is gross.

Trending via Facebook:

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Spotted on Telegram:

This sex could have been an email.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Everyone tells me “take care”, but no one tells me why.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I think I may need professional help. A chef, a butler and a maid should do it!

Live now on Facebook:

I tried to walk like an Egyptian and now I need to see a Cairo practor.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

Trending via Pinterest:

Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I don’t want to exacerbate things. That would just make things worse.

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
"When it comes to cooking up chaos, I'm a natural chef! 👨‍🍳🔥😂 #NoRecipeNeeded"

accident, cooking, disaster, eyeball, humor, i, joke, just, kitchen, need, recipe, sarcasm

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Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Messenger this month:

If the earth was flat, cats would have pushed everything off it by now.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Look, 80’s kids went from Inspector Gadget to Terminator so we have a lot of mixed feelings about technology.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

94 shares on Instagram this month:

It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

They should build a separate grocery store for people who have actually purchased food before, know how to push a cart, and possess at least an ounce of spatial awareness.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

For your own sanity, always take mixed signals as a no.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

If you find my upper lip mole sexy, wait till you see the dark spot on my MRI.

95 shares on Telegram this month:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has downloaded:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

My dog sets an impossible bar for how I should greet my wife when she comes home.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Every day, a new coworker asks if you’ve used ChatGPT, and the conversation doesn’t end if you say “No.”

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

As long as I can dip something in something, I’m happy.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Every night, millions of teeth go unbrushed.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has bookmarked:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has bookmarked:

Christmas bonus so small you have to call your bank and ask “is it in yet?”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

iPad PR is so crazy because you think you absolutely need one until you get it.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Just shared via WeChat:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Only mosquitoes find me attractive. Nobody else.

Breaking via TikTok:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

Just landed via WeChat:

You realize you’re getting old when your body parts start fighting over which one hurts first.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Going bananas on Twitch:

I set up a Nativity scene, but since baby Jesus hasn’t arrived yet, all the Wise Men are just looking down at their phones.

Trending via Telegram:

Saw someone from high school. She said she hadn’t seen me in years. That’s likely because I’d always seen her first.

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Activity Log ✨

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m proud of myself because, despite having so many expenses, I still manage to add more.

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

Silence is golden. But duct tape is silver.

Probably the worst thing about pyramid schemes is how they make you advertise to all your friends and family that you are part of a pyramid scheme.

I’m done with self-care. Time to learn some spells.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨