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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone who doesn’t get on my nerves.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

Here’s a fun activity you can do with your kids on rainy days when they have too much energy: Go shopping and leave them at home with their dad.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

You are my favorite dirty thought.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

You are closer to the street than you will ever be to any billionaire.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Too poor for Ozempic but too undisciplined for strict diet and exercise. Is there a secret third option?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I ever get a life, I’ll be notified immediately.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,286

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Snapchat:

When is this robot army coming to take my job?

Seen just now on Threads:

Did it make you feel powerful when you didn’t let me merge onto the highway?

Broadcasted on Threads:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Making waves on YouTube:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Live now on Snapchat:

I’m not calling anyone daddy unless I’m asking for money for the mall.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Once I started spending my own money, I realized my mom was right. We do have food at home.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Live now on Messenger:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Who knew the appendix was the first organ to be voted off the island? 🤨🏝️ #AppendixEviction

appendix, attitude, body, bullshit, defiance, health, healthy, humor, i, just, medical, organ, organs, show, surgery, tolerate

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

0

2 months ago

app, dating, dating app, humor, IQ, irony, low, low IQ, meet, ok, OK Stupid, online, online dating, people, relationships, stupid
Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

0

2 months ago

4, duration, humor, minutes, Monday, months, over, perception, Saturday, Sunday, time, weekend
Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

0

2 months ago

affinity, bin, both, care, comparison, dirty, exploring, humor, parenting, puppy, smelly, toddler, trash
You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

0

2 months ago

awareness, ever, humor, killed, mood, nostalgia, own, remembering, self-reflection, vibe
“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

0

2 months ago

AI, coming, coworkers, drunk, Fridays, harassment, humor, ID, jobs, show, technology, work, workplace
Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

0

2 months ago

cyborg, fight, fighting, future, give, humor, iPad, just, kids, parenting, screen, screen time, technology, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I do not support all women. Some of you are very mean for no reason.

26 shares on Discord this month:

I like people who make me forget that I’m shy.

81 shares on Slack this month:

Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?

88 shares on Instagram this month:

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

80 shares on TikTok this month:

If ads were a person, it would be that one neighbor who won’t stop talking to you at the most inconvenient of times.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

Jesus, I need money to organize your birthday.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

After ejaculation, men automatically realize that everything is vanity upon vanity.

50 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing guarantees running into someone you know in public better than looking like a feral animal on two hours of sleep.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

Cashier: Did you find everything? Me: Did you hide something?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I hope this email blows your head smoove off.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Been telling everyone, “It’s been a good year for horses.” No idea whether that’s true or not, but they keep nodding like it makes a lot of sense.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

The older I get, the less surprised I’d be if a random body part just fell off one day.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Currently helping my nephew look for his M&M’s that I ate yesterday.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

Now I know why my dad used to wake up at 4AM and just sit at the kitchen table for an hour.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

You can tell it’s desperate times the way spam messages have gone from fantasies like ‘I am a prince and I want to give you money’ to ‘I am an HR manager and I have a real job for you!’

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

Trending via Facebook:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

Making waves on Snapchat:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m not alone. I have ants.

Going viral on Slack:

Imagine falling in love and then finding out that they put antlers on their car for the holidays.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

I’m so desperate for a vacation that at this point I’d spend an all inclusive week at Jurassic Park.

Breaking via TikTok:

Grown men carpooling to the strip club so they can get boners and drive home together.

Just landed via Threads:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I had a healthy appendix removed, just to show the other organs that I will not tolerate any bullshit.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

A dating app to meet other people with low IQ called OK Stupid.

Why is Saturday over in 7 minutes and Sunday in 4 minutes, but Monday is 84 months long?

Toddlers are like puppies, they don’t care if they’re dirty and smelly and they both have an affinity exploring the trash bin.

You ever killed your own vibe by remembering?

“AI is coming for your jobs”. I’d like to see AI show up drunk on Fridays and sexually harass my coworkers.

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨