I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

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In my 20’s: might hit the club tonight. In my 40’s: might go to the grocery store to listen to some bangers.

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“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

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I wish I could get a bouquet of mozzarella sticks.

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We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

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I haven’t lost my virginity because I never lose.

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Can I do better? Yes. Will I do better? Probably not.

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My husband refused to get glasses. But that was before he brushed his teeth with fake tan.