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They should let me go inside everyones house just to see.

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Super excited about a brand new day of ignoring my problems.

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Difference between a flirt and harassment: if you are handsome, it’s a flirt, if you are ugly, it’s harassment.

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I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

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I asked Tom Hanks for his autograph, but all he wrote was thanks.

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You just can’t live a full life on an empty stomach.

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Becoming an adult was the worst thing I’ve ever done.

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I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

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Adult peer pressure is seeing your neighbor mow his lawn.

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Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

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I hate when a guy asks β€œcan you cook?” Can you build a house?

I hate when a guy asks β€œcan you cook?” Can you build a house?

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"Next time someone asks me if I can cook, I'm bringing blueprints to the date. πŸ‘πŸ‘·β€β™€οΈπŸ³"

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