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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!” Oh, it’s ok, you can just kill me next time.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

This could have been an email. Me, while attending a wedding ceremony.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Want to know what someone is really like? Play Monopoly with them.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I don’t have kids or a dog. What can I bring into a bar that will make everyone mad?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Had to sit with a straight face while my landlord told me I was paying his rent and mortgage for him.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,608

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

Spotted on Snapchat:

After an hour on this team meeting I’m not wanting to be a team player anymore.

Freshly posted on Discord:

For someone who loves to sleep so much, you’d think I’d go to bed earlier.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Spotted on YouTube:

I am calling on public libraries to ban the books that I borrowed and lost. We don’t need that kind of crap in the libraries.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

Going viral on Threads:

And then there are people who can only sleep on their back because their pea brain could slip out of their ear if they lie on their side.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My body is a vessel for various dips.

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

2 months ago

0

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Next time someone asks me if I can cook, I'm bringing blueprints to the date. 🏡👷‍♀️🍳"

build, building, comedy, comparison, cook, cooking, expectation, gender, gender roles, guy, hate, house, house building, humor, i, irony, relationship, roles

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Liquor on the top shelf is so expensive because the bartender has to stand on their tippy toes to reach it.

0

2 months ago

bartender, drinks, expensive, humor, liquor, shelf, stand, t, tippy, tippy t, top, top shelf
I hope this out-of-office message finds you well.

0

5 months ago

auto-reply, communication, email, finds, hope, humor, i, message, out of office, vacation, well, workplace
“We’re the only species that drinks milk after infancy, dairy is bad for you!” We’re also the only species that drinks peach mango pineapple spirulina kale smoothies, Karen. Let me eat my cheese in peace.

0

2 months ago

after, bad, cheese, dairy, drinks, eat, health, humor, infancy, kale, Karen, let, mango, me, milk, only, peace, pineapple, smoothie, specy
Life’s all about crossroads and intersections; unfortunately, I’m a bad driver.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad driver, crossroads, driver, driving, humor, intersection, life, unfortunately
I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

0

2 months ago

costume, creativity, Halloween, humor, i, just, kite, prank, put, sexy, tampon
God forbid a girl wanna kiss and be kissed.

0

2 months ago

affection, girl, God, humor, kiss, relationship

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Inventor of pink lemonade: yes, exactly the same, but cute and for the girls.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Not now, honey. I’m talking to strangers on the internet.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Establish dominance by showing up with all your childhood trophies.

34 shares on Reddit this month:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

44 shares on Threads this month:

The date didn’t go well but she was nice enough to send a PDF of everything I did wrong afterwards.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

90 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

15 shares on Snapchat this month:

Mocktails are awesome because they ask the question ‘how much could juice cost?’

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

Happy birthday to everyone, for the rest of your lives. I can’t do this anymore.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Whenever a study shows excessive screen time causes brain damage I’m like “yeah, me know”.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

The difference between a biography and an autobiography is self-explanatory.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My doctor told me “good luck” and gave me finger guns, so obviously I’m dying.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re looking for a quiet place to talk to yourself, my DMs are open.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Toys R Us went out of business because their mascot was a stupid giraffe when it could’ve been a toy dinosaur called the Toysaurus. It was right there man.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The only person I ever call is my wife, and that’s just when we’re trying to find her phone.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Sperm me would be swimming in the other direction.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulting is difficult. One minute you’re proud of yourself, the next minute you feel like you’re not doing enough.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,676

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

One of the worst ways to waste your youth is by being insecure.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

About 40 muscles are activated when you eat just one donut. Follow me for more fitness advice.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has viewed:

Sometimes you really do write a whole poem just to give one beautiful phrase a home.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

Dear nurses, you don’t have to announce my weight, just write it down. That’s why I have my eyes closed when I’m on the scale.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

You can tell me what you want, but alcohol and eye contact are a dangerous combination.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Ah, summer. When my non-consensual relationship with mosquitoes begins.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has copied:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

I ordered one of those Tempura mattresses. Way too crunchy.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Pinterest:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Trending via WeChat:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Breaking via X:

Every man learns for himself the uselessness of owning an iPad.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My body is like my phone battery. Usually drained by 4pm.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

OnlyFans, but it’s elderly women teaching you how to sew, knit, can food, quilt, and some solid recipes. OnlyGrans.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Getting mad at your hair is a whole different kind of angry.

Making waves on Discord:

On a first date, saying “agree to disagree” every time they share anything about themselves.

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